Happy Birthday Kenneth Phua!

I wrote this somewhere else, but its clearly a C6-worthy post. Enjoy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"T'was Kenneth Phua's birthday a few days back. Although I didn't attend the event (if you could call a clubbing session at Butter an 'event'), the aftermath pretty much speaks for itself. Phua CB has absolutely no recollection of the fateful 28th November evening, save for entering Butter. He probably made out with his 'casual friend' Amanda Raszgoddess again, that Phua. I wouldn't be surprised - it'd only be the umpteenth time over the past half-dozen years.*

"This is, of course, purely my speculation. But its calculated speculation once one factors in the sheer number of times the two have (tongue) tangoed whilst sloshed and inundated with bass. For instance, I will never forget how three-or-so years back those two made out like bandits on the Phuture dance floor. Make out already still must arch forward, arch backward, arch forward again. Wah lan eh. Like a palm tree in the face of Hurricane Katrina - sway like crazy but macam don't give a fuck. And this was in front of her then-boyfriend or dunno-what-relation-guy somemore. Ex-boyfriend zero, Phuamanda ten thousand points.

"In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that's a nice way to put it. 'Phuamanda' - or maybe 'Phuamandina'. Like Niall Ferguson's catchy wordplay to describe Sino-American economic interdependence, Chimerica. Or Zachary Karabell's Superfusion (again, China and America).

"Phuamandina. It's a bit like Romeo and Juliet, if you think about it. Admittedly, there's none of the tenderness and affection that one would associate with a soppy love story. The partying/drunkenness/streets-of-rage action scenes are way, wayy overdone. First dibs on a bottle of poison don't necessarily belong to Romeo, but to whomever is feeling the most generous. Everyone drinks. And any instances of feeling star-crossed only occur the morning after. But the moral of the story - and if I may sneak in a cheap shot at Kenneth here - is that no matter how many times the story plays out in different places and at different times, no matter how many iterations the tale is spun, the couple never get to, shall we say... consummate their, um, love.


*: See Central 6 blog history for details."

Diving in Aceh

Nerf: "Chow is how serious about his job! Go all the way to Aceh to report on the hardships, the humanitarian situation - gritty real-life reporter style leh!"

Chow: "Actually, I went Aceh for the diving hahahaha..."

Nerf: "..."

The aforementioned conversation took place a month back, at an Old Chang Kee stall outside of Far East Plaza. It appeared to be a seemingly innocuous revelation. Or was it? As a team of elite shit-stirrers, the C6 team's keen instinct for gossip is beyond compare. Consider the following...

Aceh - A hotbed of poverty and corruption following various accounts of rescue funds disappearing 'mysteriously' whilst under the jurisdiction of the Indonesian military.

Aceh - Home to thousands of poor, homeless and nubile young girls, many of whom lost their kin and kith during (and in the aftermath of) the tsunami.

Aceh - A nymphomaniac's dream come true?

Bearing this in mind, Team C6 cast its feelers out far and wide. Given the meticulous sweep of Central 6's resources, it was only a matter of time before we uncovered this incriminating photo of Chow's Acehnese muffdiving trip:




Oh. My. God. Say it with me - OHMYGOD.

For the blur cocks who don't quite see it:




Given the above evidence, Central 6 thus concludes that there clearly exists more than one way to enjoy the sport of 'diving'. Maybe Chow needed to get rid of some 'dive weight' residing in his lower body? Maybe the girl was hungry for Chow's 'Sea Cucumber'? Who knows? Either way, it's now clear that when it comes to Chow, there's always more to it than meets the eye... And so now we all know that, whenever Destiny's Chow asks you if you wanna join him on a diving trip, you'd better be careful, 'cuz...

KTV LIAISONS of an ARTY OFFICER

IF you enjoyed the National Day Parade (NDP) recently, you might not have known the musical-like national day celebrations was planned as early as last year. And who else but our lovely CPT Cenneth Joel Phua, -whom you might have recalled as Mr Ang Mo Kio- was the person behind it.

It must be poignant for you, -all the foreign workers, talents, citizens and permanent residents alike- at the 20:22 moment, you placed your right hand across your left tit and renewed your vow that you will never ever quit as a quitter. Honestly, was it as good for you as for me?

Seriously. for me. it was a waste of my time and taxpayers' money. It clearly demonstrated what the NDP planners will resort to do to improve its viewership. Besides hoarding the CH 5,8 , and CNA. They even took Vasantham and Suria. Not only that, by arranging a massive onslaught to our senses, by launching a massive awareness (for a lack of better word) campaign through all forms of media. Does it make you more patriotic or idiotic? I seriously think that this is a waste of our taxpayers' money!

Therefore, in an attempt to uncover what do we pay army officers to do, Central6 underwent a month long undercover job to disclose where did you, the taxpayer, pay your income tax to, and in the spirit of public disclosure, Central6 have uncovered: KTV LIAISONS of an ARTY OFFICER.

n a month long sting operation, we were following Mr AMK around, on his entertainment expenses trip. Yes, as the title suggested, KTV or to the uninitiated, Karaoke Lounges.

When asked why he likes to visit these places so much, Mr AMK quipped: "It has always been the usual practice, to have a few sessions after the year long planning of the nation's celebrations."

"If I dun spend, where will they have money to pay income tax? Where I get my pay?" said Mr AMK.

Hence, the time finally came when we managed to find the empirical evidence to show you where your money is being spent. SINGING LESSONS.


Here, just take a look, Mr Phua or should I say Captain AMK with an unidentified friend humming to the tune, Girls not Grey at the KTV. Despite being tone deaf, Mr Phua still insists that he is a good singer.

"That is how the girls want to touch my bulge ok? I serenade them," he revealed. "You think one bottle of bombay sapphire gin enough meh? Need fingers also ok! They call me the Second Hand Serenade, I sing and I use my hands. Hur Hur," he chuckled. If you have missed the report of the Wong bastards chalet, pls read previous post.

Well, for all you folks out there, the judgment is ultimately up to you. Central6 is just here to report.

This reporter also found out that besides the innocent singing services, Mr AMK is apparently a high roller. He spent so much that he has to spoon, We mean be spoon-fed, sugar syrup so as to make his vodka go down smoother. Nuff said, evidence is as below.

Hmmm... I am so going to Swensons.

Meanwhile, do stay tune for more updates as our covet actions reporter bring you more updates.

Exploiting Unemployment: Part I

My dear Reader! Why, hello there! My, hasn't it been a looooong time!

In a painfully obvious fashion, its been quite awhile since anything was posted on this journal. Is anyone even reading this? Do tell - it'd be good to hear from someone (... anyone?), seeing as to how I've still plenty to post...

Wait. What's that, you say? Plenty to... That's right, ladies and gentlemen. You're absolutely right. Just when you all but closed the coffin door on Central 6, here cometh thy proclamation - I've still plenty to post. The thing is, Central 6 incurred a significant backlog of gossip whilst the four of us (plus the numerous honorary members-cum-smokers who used to plague Central Library and the Old Canteen) went about raising hell. What happened to all that trash - the stories, the videos, the memories? Lost, that's what; lost whilst we were busy saving trashy tales as leverage for a rainy day; lost whilst we schemed and plotted to mass-produce items of universal gossip, to be disseminated amongst ourselves for lifelong storage and reminiscence; lost, as with all good things in life that are ever transient.

But fear not, for Cheok's IBM HDD (that nears extinction even as I write this, buzzing like a turbine on crack) does not lie. All these years I've stored the data files for the first and second Wong Bastard (supposedly) Annual Chalets, waiting for the opportunity and budget to manufacture copies for all who attended. Unsurprisingly, the masters of procrastination who encompassed Central 6's membership never did commit to the task, and so for the past 4 years I've had a derelict folder on D: drive that's collecting cobwebs.

Till now. Naturally, I'm assuming that since none of the original members (save, perhaps, Chow and Nerfy on the occasional whim) visit this blog, I've implicit clearance to air stuff that probably would have met with considerable resistance 3-4 years back. And, you know lah, fuckit man - also good to put things up somewhere, rather than have my goddamn HDD crash on me and that's-it gone-case gee-gee.

So, without further ado, and for my own benefit if no-one reads this stuff anymore - leaked material from the past. I'll put it up over time, piecemeal; maybe, given the period of post-graduation unemployment that I'm now in, I'll be motivated to reassemble C6 for some fresh dirt production... You never know, baby!



School project that Chalk did. Naturally, he was handpicked for the job; equally naturally, he never wanted this published online. hur.



Dr. Don's dabble at Pageant fame. Obviously picked up some pointers from Mr. Ang Mo Kio on stage poses. My good (maybe not so good after he sees this) friend of eleven-or-so years, hopes eventually to be a pediatrician. Print this out for free checkups - for life! Please don't let him discover I put this up.



Bedroom scene from the 1st Wong Bastard's Chalet - and also the crime scene for one of Nerfy's most blemished scandals. See Chalk? Mr Ang Mo Kio is behind him. Behind Nerf? See the rise of the the chest? That's no male specimen, my friends... Legs on legs, hot rubbing action, hands down the pants, ho ho ho Mister Phua!

This was, incidentally, not an anyhow-shit-stir story. This one, true one ah. You see his pants, bulge suspiciously at a certain area? You see her grinning teeth reflected off the camera flash? Ho ho ho.




Phua, SECOND Wong Bastard's Chalet. I don't think I need to say much more about this one... He obviously got her drunk with that bottle of Bombay Sapphire. Ho ho ho x 2


Again, it makes you wonder - all that BS we incorporated into this blog... Just how much of it was true?

Well, that's all for now! God damnit, I thought there were more... spicy... files, somewhere. Wasn't there one of Chalk frenching someone else's girlfri... Mmmmmm. Lemme go look around. Till next time, dear Reader!

P.S.: Incidentally, if you look carefully, the girl in the last photo - the one with the blue shirt - appears in the 2nd last photograph as well. That's right, in the bed adjacent to Kenneth's. Guess who's groin she's got her hands on? A-ha... Ho ho ho.

YES WE"re BACK mofos....

In the spirit of a ressurection... just an update of what the crew's been up to

Wongcheok - Happily attached?
Chalk - Happily attached too? but we know chalk.... being attached is but theres' no such
thing as being attached FOR LONG at least
Chow - Well MVP CHOW CHEEEEEHONNNNGGGG on his way to getting laid by some
banker chick or so we heard from the grape vine.

And me? - Hah.... time for a revelation... YES it's true...
The Botak's a molester
a rapist
an arsonist
a serial "get-girls-drunk-and-grope-them" kinda guy
but to top it up.... he's definately GAY

Now that you've caught a glimpse of what we've been up to of late...

Here's a visual...



CAN U DIGG IT SUCKAs...... Its been featured on U-weekly btw....


PEACE OUT FAGs

New Beginnings (Again)

The word is out - Central 6 is back.

New cast and crew, of course. Considering that we've 2 founding members outta school now, we're definitely on the prowl for new blood. Anyone willing to contribute... or rather, willing to commit flagrant gossip-mongering with the remaining 2 members, do step up and let us know.

A word of advice for any would-be female applicants, though - rumor has it that the Nerf and the Cheok are part of a clandestine fraternity who apparently 'make girls drunk and do funny things to them'.

Then again, I once was accused of being FASS' resident genius drug dealer, so go figure.

Parameters definitely have to change. For instance, it appears that new members notwithstanding, the Nerf will be the sole target of shit-stirring. This is because the Cheok has gotten himself attached, and refuses to partake of thine holy grail (or rather, thine unholy shit-kwali). That being said, I still remain moderator and founder of the blog... which gives me divine right of avoidance.

Stay tuned: we've got a great idea coming up. One with the potential to rock the very foundations of hilarity as we know them.

Yes, we are that damned good.

Spirit Fingers

Mr Ang Mo Kio presents his very own rendition of Bring It On's...

Spirit Fingers. You go, girl!

Just When You Thought The Coast Was Clear...

Whilst admittedly this site faces a dozen and one future problems in maintaining its dynamism, recent events have served to remind all crew of Central 6 that even in our darkest hours, legends are born the way phoenixes rise from the ashes: fresh off the press not 2 hours ago, I am proud to announce our very first...

CONTENDER TO THE TITLE OF MR AMK!

Fresh from the debacle of the Colin and Kero saga...

... Syahzan, determined to breakout of the mould of extremist homosexuality, assembled an entourage of credible eyewitnesses so as to witness an exhibition his newfound secret powers - skills he has apparently spent the past 3 month holidays perfecting. Spying a completely inebriated caucasian female performing what appeared to be a western version of Kabuki dance smack in the middle of EIC's sub-par performance (clearly showing that she was drunk beyond compare, because no sober person would feel the express desire to headbang to such a dead performance), he fired off his top-secret and incredibly mysterious directional pheromones, much to the awe and unanimous gasps of the half-dozen strong audience.

This radical and intense qi-gong in turn resulted in aforementioned angmoh cha bor abruptly abandoning her primal attempts at Dance-Dance Revolution, only to begin prowling for the source of the overwhelming qi. It was only a matter of time before she discerned the source of the mysterious allure, and proceeded to french Syahzan in front of an amazed audience.

Yes folks, this is true; while there have been instances which dispute the accuracy of Central 6's reporting of factual accounts, this represents an instance whereby multiple correlations from several eyewitnesses can be used to substantiate our observations; in other words, Paul Elias Mark and I all saw it. Soom-pah.

However, Syahzan did experience a small amount of dismay when the stupid angmoh got her initial interpretation of the directional pheromones wrong, and proceeded to french another guy (this fella, Ian) before correctly locating the target source. So, umm, basically Syahzan got 2nd helpings.

But still! As PengCheng22 has so observantly pointed out, a legend has nevertheless been born this very day - From the ashes of the past, a new Mr AMK has arisen - Syahzan, MR ANG MOH KILLER.

Ladies and gentlemen, mark carefully this day - a legend has been born. With the incorporation of the new and untapped angmoh element, Central 6 will never be the same again. Soom-pah.

Every End Is A New Beginning

Semester 1's heading into week 4 and STILL no activity.

No new members - Mark Koh is hoarding all his images and video clips, although I need partly accept blame for that because I haven't gotten around to adding his ass to the new board.

Wait - WHAT new board? We haven't even found fucking replacements, man!

It's either we incorporate fresh blood, or we redo the package (I think Chow has some idea coming along), or we go anonymous and start fucking destroying random people around arts.

I quite like the last idea, but that's just me.

Hai. That stupid Phua CB, go arts camp beo girls then never find fresh blood! No hope already lah, like that - arts camp OGL also never find new shit-stirrers...

With Each Dying Breath...

As everyone should by now know, the school semester came upon us like a fucking force-ten gale, whirlpooling truckloads of shit into the open and propagating the trade of scandals openly as though they were White Rabbit Sweets... Alas, all good things ('good' is a highly arguable term, really) must necessarily come to an end, and so we find Central 6 - I refer now to the library, and not the blog specifically - having to bid farewell to a core group of members and contributors:

Chalk - Cousin and Numero Uno target of lambasting
Chow - MVP and therefore commonly associated with the girl who 'only falls in love with the best'
Harold - Photographer, scandal-whore and occasional cad
Paul Chia, Sky God (department of divine assistance)
Huiyi, who has amazingly escaped our target reticles

Umm. Alright, I can't really think of more right now because such decent speeches are hardly the intent of my post. In fact... come to think of it, NOTHING decent ever stems from my posts. But anyway.

I have 2 points.

Firstly, I am in the process of compiling the assorted video clips and pictures from Monday's chalet (Annual Wong Bastards' Chalet night)... This would have been a much easier task, had Harold not cancelled the file transfer 3 minutes from completion. And this was after an hour of waiting - Harold, you ass!

Nevertheless, I have already screened through Huiyi's stockpile of clips and shots, and boy are they a hoot - 263340 kilobytes of hoot, to be exact. It's my aim to compile all this gibberish onto cds, which will eventually (and ideally) land into the hands of all who came. This is obviously a monumental task bespeaking of 1.) my proud efforts as organiser of all things indecent, and 2.) my incredible boredom over the first few weeks of holidays.

Naturally, some teeeeny weeeeeeny bit of censorship is necessary, for reasons best known to the people who... well, who are in the know. So yes - those who still read this site, look forward to the cd.

Secondly, as all things this semester have been i.e. extremely fucking last minute vis-a-vis the chalet, I have done up preliminary designs for a Central 6 tee. Upon finalisation of the aforementioned design (naturally this involves input from as many of the Central 6 library group as possible), i'll get Chalk to pester Michael to give us a good price or something to that effect. But for now, this is my proposal - which may or may not radically change over the next week:




Very the emo, right not? Hmm. We'll see how it goes over the next week.

Down With The Warlord!

Dear fellow comrades in readership, it has come to my attention that feudalism in central6 is on the rice. Hence it is paramount for us to overcome the warlord that has been resting on his laurels and collecting our harvest which we so painstakingly planted. Every seedling, every plant was planted with utmost care and when it is time for harvesting, the feudal lord came with a combine harvester and reap what we had sown. It is like ancient Japan, where fellow peasants planted their rice only to have half or more of their rice being taken away by the daimyo as "rice tax". It is like the landless Vietnamese, when they are given their own land only to be taken away by the Nguyen Warlords for "farming purposes" and it is like the Green Revolution in India where the poorer peasants unable to afford a combine harvester losing out to the richer farmers out there with a combine harvester that could collect faster, more efficient and in a lesser amount of time. We need to have an uprising my fellow farmers, we need to break that upper elite class with memberships to the high clubs in our country and we need to have a class struggle. Ignore the rhetoric that the warlord said, because like their songs suggested, "hips dun lie", your body language cannot lie to us, u weaseling warlord. Yes, we need to stem out the undercutting of our rice prices, we need to rise up against this elitist class that is strangling us with their threatening music comprising of "gunshots" and brainwashing banging bass and we need to say no, we shall not let you have anymore of our harvest.
Stand up my brothers, let's create a revolution and make an end to history. Let's us all embrace the revolutionary spirit. Remember, in unity we get strength. No more shall we be subjugated! Stand up! Stand Up my fellow brothers in arms!!

Chow Marx

Oh. My. God.

"Coupled on 19th April 06"

I'm sure we'll have our very own ColinandKero soon (that's a homosexually-inclined teenager blog, if you haven't heard of it. Worryingly enough, the couple seem to live in my neighborhood - Bukit Batok).

S'alright, Benja and Kudus, we at Central6 are confident that you two lovebirds will pull through storm and fire to be together. For crusading against social norms and varsity gossip - we salute you.

As for Benja's girlfriend... Ooops. No hard feelings, yo.

Neo Printttt!!!

I have to admit: i'm highly tempted to swap the Uma Thurman picture with this.

A FILLER

just sth for laughs

The Mate Debate

Basically, central 6 as all you folks might have noticed have been constantly revolving around the pepetuous allegations of "innocent" victims, whom we managed to land a photo or two of. So for a change, and as a start of the evolution of central6.blogspot.com. Me and lionel have decided to go for a lil change in the content that actually makes its way onto central6.


The Mate Debate! The question's that's been looming, over all of our pathetic minds, ever since we got in touch with our sexuality, and as for most girls, its ever since they got in touch with the notion of dreaming. Both me and lionel were sipping over some Iced Lemon Tea when we got down to talking about girls AGAIN, yes again, what else? (STFU for all of you who think tt we're desperate cos we're not) . Anyway for details on what actually went on, visit www.wongcheok.blogspot.com.

Somehow our conversation as always without the inteference of disruptive individuals (aka Mr Chalk and Duster), managed to transcend into a serious debate about what kind of girls are we actually looking for, and before i bore you with any details of our preferences and dislikes. I'd like to pose the questions that our conversation very much revolved upon.

Are Girls who Club reliable? Trustworthy? And how decent is decent? Would you want a girlfriend who clubs? or a Girlfriend who doesn't?

Firstly, are girls who club reliable? For those of you fuckheads who are thinking of reliable in the terms of being a "reliably good fuck", i think you should fuck your mum right now. Reliability in the sense that are they are relatively decent, reliable in mantaining the sole right to their "lil down south lips" to just you, or are they the kinda girls who'd just let themselves get slimed and fucked when they get drunk and depress right after a quarrel they had with you during dinner.

I personally feel that it really boils down to trust, above all ( yea yea, all of u are probably thinking tt i'm a moron now). But its inevitably true, it really depends on how much you trust your gf that makes her reliable and how much of that trust is actually correctly placed. And for me, i'd love a gf who can club, dance, and drink like a fish (who obviously wouldn't cheat on me as well). A girl friend i could relate to basically.

However, Lionel on the other hand, mantains that girls who club often enough, and by enough i mean anithing more than 4 times a year have the basic tendency to evolve into sluts. I vehemently disputed this at first, however, after he painted a beautiful scenario as follows, i was kinda swayed:

You quarrel with your girlfriend

She goes out with her friends clubbing to "let loose" and by hell i mean LET HER SELF BE LOOSE

She bumps into an old flame, (one whom the had sth really going but had to end due to the infamous "CIRCUMSTANTIAL REASONS"

They have a lil chat ( mostly about you being a jackass), accompanied by some alcohol which we all know are aphrodisiacs

They get a lil tipsy, she lies on his shoulder and she gazes into his eyes and he gazes back.

They FUCK.

End of story.

Possible scenario, in fact very possible, and the worst part is, she doesnt even have to fuck him, a long wet smouldering luscious passionate battle of their tongues would constitute enough infidelity than one could take. So now you realise why i was wavered. Lionel had then gone on to insist that without the inclinations to club, the chances of the boyfriend putting on a green fucking condom on his head would be greatly reduced. Yea it probably would, BUT picture this:

Boy and Girl quarrels

Girl calls up her "best guy friend"
"best guy friends are usually losers who onced like the girl but lost her to you but he managed to worm his way into her heart, and probably lips, just not into her pants" basically they are losers

Best guy friend picks her up in his nice car - usually better than yours

He brings her to some secluded spot in Pulau tekong, parks his car there and starts comforting her.

Soon enough, his shoulders would seem like just the spot your girlfriend would be SO LIE ON.

Then she'll start complaining about you and how he's better than you in wadeva fuck shit aspects. (like he's got a greater personality while your just plain good looking, like he's got a short dick but yours is a monster dick) --- girls, they love to make whoever they're with seem good -- WHORES

Anyway, then before you know it, they'd be fornicating like how chow licks his fingers whenever he sees this tutorial mate of ours -- trust me you DO NOT want to see her.

END of story again.

Which basically leaves both me and lionel a little confused, so... is a girl who loves clubbing a minus point or just something neutral. TO me, it doesnt matter, but to lionel yes it does, so all you whores who are actually thinking of being his gfs you better think twice about mentioning anithing about Zouk or MOS in front of him maybe accept for "I HATE ZOUK and MOS". But for those of you who just wanna get into our pants, just whisper in ou ears. i love CLubbing. We'll get the msg.

For chalk however, just tell him u have a pussy, doesnt really matter what planet ure from or how many sores you have in ure loosely hung pussy as long as u have one.

Back to what i was talking about, so basically, it really boils down to the true decency of the girl, i mean she could be a whore that just hates, clubbing or a really decent girl that thrives on Tiesto. So the question now is then how decent is decent and how decent are you guys willing to accept.

Here at central 6 we appreciate ure comments as well as undying support, hence, we'd love for you to comment appropriately according to our content and pls for this post. Dun type something like.... "haha you guys have a serious side" FUCK YOU, we know that so shut the fuck up for christ's sake, or any of those brainless comments like "haha... so cool" just bcos your fucking pea brain is probably puzzled by anithing more complicated than breathing.

With that, tune in more, as we slowly figure out the IDEAL CHICK, and for those of you who actually post something constructive, we'd try to mention it in our next post, or consider any ideas you might have. CHEERS