Chapter XII

And on the third week it was quiet on all fronts, and many a reader beseeched the Great Gods 'Where art thou updates?', to which Loki* replied 'Patience, young ones - the Seeds Of Chaos bloom only during Monday lunches, for that is when the Great Gods convene to drink copious amounts of ice lemon tea and bitch about the weather.' And so the worshippers waited with patience, as Loki bade them to.


Nevertheless, the dalliances of the other Great Gods remained worthy of note:


Thor* continued the search for the prophesied mother-to-his-child; his furious blitzkrieg through the hearts of mortal women was swift and fearsome, and men trembled in their boots at the thought of being cuckolded, for they knew they appeared poor and inadequate in comparison to his exuberant charm and emotive screams during jamming sessions.


So it was that happy couples were rent and torn asunder, and even the married Lady Mal-ady found herself on extended conversations with the Thunder God about many, many things (mostly cheeky subjects best left to lovers). Meanwhile, Thor continued to rampage the world of mortal man, leaving in his wake a plague of hellfire, and of brimstone, and finally of used condoms... And the people gnashed their teeth in agony at the last plague, for while they could hide from the fire and brimstone, the public toilets and drains and sewage pipes were completely blocked, and soon the people were wading knee-deep in shit.


But such was the will of the Great Gods, for plenty of shit meant lots of stirring, and they were thus greatly pleased at Thor's irresponsible dalliances. And the year became known as The Plumber's Bullion, such was the wealth of the average plumber that he could invest in stocks and shares with reckless abandon...


Anansi the Spider God* was no less busy, and his eight legs prowled the realms of women effortlessly. Little can be said of Anansi here, save that scribes of the day noted his preferential tastes for Stupid (with a capital 'S') women of late...


(Scribe's Note: Incidentally, the chronicles of the Succubus Min Leg-Lifter have been accurately portrayed by another, and serve as a useful reference for what will no doubt be young and foolish future generations)


Neither was Bragi*, Bard of the Gods, left without role in the tales of this chapter; for Bragi had himself become embroiled in a magnificent duel of song and wit with his estranged lover. Such was the great chaos and destruction that followed the aftermath of Bragi's philandering ways that the other Great Gods had no option but to lend their strength in support of The Bard, despite their complete inability to relate to Bragi's newest musical inclinations, that being the sounds of 50-Cents-Short, Snoop Frogg and the like. Neither did they feel comfortable with Bragi's mismatched assortment of clothing... but nevertheless for a brief span the Great Gods were united, and of thunderstorms there were many as they waged fierce battles in the sky.


And all the more did the citizenry gnash their teeth and curse the Gods under their breaths... for the sewer contents had risen to waist high levels, and children under the ages of 6 were forced to don dive suits and scuba masks, swimming through seas of offal and piss. Nevertheless, this was once again the will of the Great Gods, for younger generations had become lazy and heavy-laden with iniquity, and the act of forcing them to perform intense physical activity from young was intended to toughen up both body and spirit of the children... Even if they never smelt quite right for the rest of their lives.


Odin* cannot be scribed in this chapter, for tis' Priests from the Temple of Anansi the Spider who bear this heavy responsibility. And so, the chapter endeth here.


*Match the individuals to the names yourself, cuz I ain't gonna do it for you.