Friday, January 13, 2006

Emergency Report

TOP SECRET
STAFF-IN-CONFIDENCE

a) I have just received very important information regarding the following, and I write all of these with utmost urgency... ... It has come to my attention that news have been received about one of the moderators of this blog. Mr X. ( for more information abt Mr X pls refer to the following link - The True IDentity of Mr X ) *hint... Mr X is the person that Girl X was bitchin abt.

b) While lamenting abt my sad life and tossing in my grave today. My informant had awaken me from my slumber, a deep sleep which i had induced by being blown to bits by ballistics as well as taking a stone and knocking my own head. My informant who will just be known as Mr.Blogger is actually a spy who lurks within the Matrix of blogger.com as well as places of interest, like zouk and sentosa siloso beach.

c) After sewing me up and inducing life force into my repatched body, Mr Blogger had then proceeded to inform me about the latest updates. Not only was Mr X an accomplice in the bombing, he has also been stalked by one of his fans. ( just in case u people din't know, Mr X is actually a very popular and influential men who proliferates his ideas on underaged sex particularly 16 yr old sex, as well as personal meet up with with fans on a personal and VERY deep level - which sometimes might include "SEX-ON-THE-(fort siloso) BEACH. )

d) His fan had been stalking him, as he cruises from blog to blog, leaving tales of the undead, of men whom are obsessed with pasta and devious individuals, which intrigued many who were ignorant to these fallacies. She goes by the code name Miss Flavour Of Ice Cream, aka, Miss FOIC.

e) Miss FOIC, according to reliable sources stalks Mr X for only 1 reason to steal his Mojo, and by that, she has to of cos perform sexual favours to get his Mojo out bit by bit. Lets look at the incidents 1 by 1.

*MOJO is refered to and defined here as a men's secretion released upon a sustained stimulation of his private part.

Case E-1

LOCATION: ZOUK
DATE: 28/11/2005
TIME: CLASSIFIED
ACT OF ESPIONAGE: Miss FOIC, had gone under the cover of being Mr. X's fan, she had killed the real fan and had skin-grafted the victim's face onto her own just to get close to Mr X.
On engagement, she had then pretended to by one of Mr X's fans and had engaged him into a lustful, sexual conversation regarding initial meetings. Mr X, totally oblivious to her true identity and Mojo hungry motives had proceeded on to have intercourse with her on the dance floor at zouk. LA - JI (stirring tongues and all). She had then left with a sample of Mr X's saliva in her mouth which she had proceeded to store in her vault back in THE BASE, thinking ignorantly that saliva is MOJO. Informants had tapped on her lines and this was what they heard her say

" But my mouth is private to me what... so naturally i would assume his mojo would be released if i tickled his tonsils and interlocked my tongue with his, wasnt that enough stimulation?"

Case E-2

LOCATION:FORT SILOSO BEACH - SENTOSA
DATE: someday in DEC 2005
TIME: Between the hours of 2200 to 0300 next morning
ACT OF ESPIONAGE: After discovering that Mr. X's mojo had not beeen obtained, she decided to strike again. After failing to obtain his mojo the 1st time they met, she was foolish enough to attempt it again during a clubbing event. However, this time, Cheok and I had noticed the irregularties of her skin tone due to the skin graft and were suspicious of Miss FOIC and had subtly dragged Mr X away from danger, however, it was only much later that Cheok had picked up Admin Instructions on Miss FOIC's ploy to steal Mr X's Mojo. It was an unexpected find, the plans were actually cleverly hidden and encrypted on the patterns of a 50 dollar note. Cheok whose perceptivity kicked in instantaneously, duped Mr X into thinking that he had picked up 2 x 50 dollar note and had give Mr X another 50 dollar, a 50 50 split they say, so as to be fair.

This 50 dollar note was then examined later by our lab and had revealed the following:
STEPS TO GET MR X's MOJO.
- Bring along an ugly friend to accentuaute her beauty, so as to arouse Mr X (which worked actually)
- Get close to him on the pretext she had got him secret access to this clubbing-drug-sex-party at the beach.
- Bring Mr X away from his companions and into the bushes of portable toilets, "ENGAGE" him and steal his mojo.
Devious plan indeed but as mentioned briefly earlier, Cheok and I sensed danger and had steered Mr X away from it.

Case E-3

LOCATION: SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE
DATE: CLASSIFIED
TIME: CLASSIFIED
ACT OF ESPIONAGE: Miss FOIC had continued plotting and scheming while stalking Mr X at the same time, this time she is lying low, and inactive meaning not meeting up with Mr X in the mean time (at least to our knowledge). She has attempted an approach known to others as "Fishing the Bait", she had complimented Mr X on his most recent endevour on Cyberspace hoping to get into his good books (this is the bait), and once he is happy, Miss FOIC would then ask him out and steal his Mojo through however sick method she chooses to. eg, sticking a rod up Mr X's ass and depressing his prostate gland or to choke the chicken or maybe, swalling the salami. All these are common methods, however, due to intelligence, she still prefers stealing it in the form of bukake. (Thereby fishing him up to her trap)

f) I sincerely hope this emergency report proliferates and is propagated quickly and efficiently to Mr X as he is currently uncontactable at the moment.


STAFF-IN-CONFIDENCE
TOP SECRET

7 Comments:

Blogger Cheok said...

kenneth i am damn knn confused.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Chowzzer said...

ho ho ho, i also cannot postulate who the farks is FOIC! Lastly, how many events u want to stir? or what is the theme? That Mr X is sexy and alot of pple wants his sex? THAT IS NOT STIRRING!!!!

12:36 PM  
Blogger Chowzzer said...

"Mr X is the person that Girl X was bitchin abt"

??????!?!?!?
but i like this though,
"But my mouth is private to me what... so naturally i would assume his mojo would be released if i tickled his tonsils and interlocked my tongue with his, wasnt that enough stimulation?"

12:41 PM  
Blogger Cheok said...

the misintepreted understanding of the Girl X situation... mishmash of Chalk and Cheok personas... And the writing style... you know, this doesnt sound like something Kenneth would write at all...

WHO WAS OVER AT NERFY'S PLACE AT 3.08 AM HMM???

3:54 PM  
Blogger e. said...

kao.

who is who?

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know i know! He called me to arrange for him a "companion" but then he said dun need liao, "I'll call you back later" then proceed to cut off the line, while he was cutting off, the split second i heard a muffled "Hi li..." then Silencio.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Haro said...

oh fuck nerfy ur post sounds as screwed as yrself man. I totally was lost in the rumbling and grumbling of yr latest post. Thou you sound still pretty disorientated, but guys give little nerfy a break. Atleast he din CAPS his words and shout!!!!!!! out his points. However, it still needs editing bro. Keep up the GOOD work bro....

2:57 AM  

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