Angmokioan History X(xx)
As the life of a reporter, there are countless times when we are forced to hand in tabloid reports for the purpose of sensationalising and gossiping. Henceforth, in the following report, I will undertake the dangerous yet enlightening task of clearing the air of a famous campus character, who was last seen featured in a tabloid report which allegedly cause a vehement reaction and resulted in a vindictive rebuttal disguised as the "offensive stance". It will be to the reader's delight to find out more about this mysterious Angmokian aka Mr Ang Mo Kio and in the following passages, the truth will be revealed on how and why this particular species being evolved into its current state and without further ado, through the lens of history, we shall dwell deep into the annuals of Angmokioan history X and unleash the true blue character of Mr Ang(first name) Mo Kio (Mr. AMK).
Gathering the evidence of this famous character was never easy in the first place. It took many weeks of data collation and countless hours in the archives of Mr Happy's Place, a pub cum library housing the data of many 'happy' celebrities located at the hotspot, hotbed of erm, male activities in Tanjong Pagar. We had to fend off leering looks and perverted peers on numerous occasion in the name of research and my homos, i mean homies were very brave in fending off suggestive comments like "Hey stud, wanna try the iGallop with me?" Contrary to popular belief, the iGallop was not invented by the company Orsim, it has been around for ages, just not patented by the cronies hanging out at Mr Happy's Place. They were so sure of their deus sex machina that they guaranteed in a heavily accented chinese slang, "Ni Yi Ding Hui ZAIYAO ZAIYAO(你一定会再要,再要)" Due to research purposes, we had no choice but be benevolently benign to the perverted pansies in order to find the truth of Mr AMK. Persistence finally paid off when we manage to find footage of what turn out to startling, astonishing and perception changing. It is my duty to warn the readers that the following contents will cause nauseouness and homophobia.
It is a well known fact in the modelling world that clean cherubic looks are pretty important. Fashionita-extraordinae cum talent scout cum artiste manager, Carrie Dababi remarked that, "Nerfy* has got the potential to go deep, i mean, far in this entertainment industry, his looks attracts both males and females alike." Here is his portfolio when he is with our company, BigBoy's Model Inc. "This was his contract cliching shot when he came for the audition, we knew we had to hire him immediately.
Apparently, Mr Ang added a caption for his portfolio picture and it was very memorable indeed, the caption was "May your mangoes be ripe and juicy." So upon selection into the one of the big players in the modelling industry, Mr Ang was propelled onto greater things,
He conquered the catwalks, stormed the sports scene with the endorsement of New Ulu Male's "cupper le crotch" that wooed even the most conservative of men. Mr K.K.J said that "woah, the advert really made his bulge burgeoned"
*Photos courtesy of New Ulu Male, and now with every purchase of Cupper Le Crotch, there will be a pair of nipple cock extension(as shown above in the picture) While stock lasts.
Given such a brillant track record, Mr Ang was destined for greater things.
In a tradition of leaving no stones unturned, Central6 was everywhere and our roving eye followed the leading females of his life. The prophecy was true when it was prophesised that Mr. Ang will be a skirt winner. There were never a dull moment in his life as he was caught with different women at different times of his life, varying from different sizes and age, Mr Ang is the red that every men see in their eys, of course with such gorgeous good gait, charismatic character and an outstanding occupation, who will not be jealous?
The ever doting boyfriend
Never shy of displaying his affection while posing for us
True love filtered to the purest
All was going well until one of his "loves" of his life, Imma Chewyourebush came clean with what was going on behind the blissful and lovey dovey photos. "I paid him for love", lamented the Imma, "I knew something was very wrong when i met him outside Mr Happy's Place." In a dire need to expose his true identity, Miss Imma provided us the details to find his origins. After much investigation, we finally manage to sneak into hidden archives of Mr. Happy's Place and found out the truth. At this very moment, to the fans of Mr Ang, this report is the truth and it is nothing but the truth you have read so far. Ever wondered why Mr. Ang was called the Prince of Pain?
Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words, we at central6 do not enjoy sensationalising, it is always up to our revered readers to give the final verdict. All we urge is to link the following picture with the one above. When we contacted his closest mentor, Staff Sgt. Marimuthu, he commented the following, "It must be the after effects of the back blast of our weapon Rasd, Ang was never like that, he hated being a cock and cocks. This is phua cheebye gay."
After the startling revelation at Mr Happy's Place, the cronies mumbled that POPPY(Prince of Pain) as he is affectionately known has a working motto, albeit abit communist in nature, it guaranteed satisfaction. The motto was 你一定会再要,再要! (Ni yi ding hui zaiyao zaiyao).
Mr. Ang again was unavailable for comment on press time.
*Nerfy was supposedly a term of endearment
Editor's note: For those who cannot read chinese characters, try going to View>Encoding and select Unicode option. (Internet explorers users only)
Gathering the evidence of this famous character was never easy in the first place. It took many weeks of data collation and countless hours in the archives of Mr Happy's Place, a pub cum library housing the data of many 'happy' celebrities located at the hotspot, hotbed of erm, male activities in Tanjong Pagar. We had to fend off leering looks and perverted peers on numerous occasion in the name of research and my homos, i mean homies were very brave in fending off suggestive comments like "Hey stud, wanna try the iGallop with me?" Contrary to popular belief, the iGallop was not invented by the company Orsim, it has been around for ages, just not patented by the cronies hanging out at Mr Happy's Place. They were so sure of their deus sex machina that they guaranteed in a heavily accented chinese slang, "Ni Yi Ding Hui ZAIYAO ZAIYAO(你一定会再要,再要)" Due to research purposes, we had no choice but be benevolently benign to the perverted pansies in order to find the truth of Mr AMK. Persistence finally paid off when we manage to find footage of what turn out to startling, astonishing and perception changing. It is my duty to warn the readers that the following contents will cause nauseouness and homophobia.
It is a well known fact in the modelling world that clean cherubic looks are pretty important. Fashionita-extraordinae cum talent scout cum artiste manager, Carrie Dababi remarked that, "Nerfy* has got the potential to go deep, i mean, far in this entertainment industry, his looks attracts both males and females alike." Here is his portfolio when he is with our company, BigBoy's Model Inc. "This was his contract cliching shot when he came for the audition, we knew we had to hire him immediately.
Apparently, Mr Ang added a caption for his portfolio picture and it was very memorable indeed, the caption was "May your mangoes be ripe and juicy." So upon selection into the one of the big players in the modelling industry, Mr Ang was propelled onto greater things,
He conquered the catwalks, stormed the sports scene with the endorsement of New Ulu Male's "cupper le crotch" that wooed even the most conservative of men. Mr K.K.J said that "woah, the advert really made his bulge burgeoned"
*Photos courtesy of New Ulu Male, and now with every purchase of Cupper Le Crotch, there will be a pair of nipple cock extension(as shown above in the picture) While stock lasts.
Given such a brillant track record, Mr Ang was destined for greater things.
In a tradition of leaving no stones unturned, Central6 was everywhere and our roving eye followed the leading females of his life. The prophecy was true when it was prophesised that Mr. Ang will be a skirt winner. There were never a dull moment in his life as he was caught with different women at different times of his life, varying from different sizes and age, Mr Ang is the red that every men see in their eys, of course with such gorgeous good gait, charismatic character and an outstanding occupation, who will not be jealous?
The ever doting boyfriend
Never shy of displaying his affection while posing for us
True love filtered to the purest
All was going well until one of his "loves" of his life, Imma Chewyourebush came clean with what was going on behind the blissful and lovey dovey photos. "I paid him for love", lamented the Imma, "I knew something was very wrong when i met him outside Mr Happy's Place." In a dire need to expose his true identity, Miss Imma provided us the details to find his origins. After much investigation, we finally manage to sneak into hidden archives of Mr. Happy's Place and found out the truth. At this very moment, to the fans of Mr Ang, this report is the truth and it is nothing but the truth you have read so far. Ever wondered why Mr. Ang was called the Prince of Pain?
Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words, we at central6 do not enjoy sensationalising, it is always up to our revered readers to give the final verdict. All we urge is to link the following picture with the one above. When we contacted his closest mentor, Staff Sgt. Marimuthu, he commented the following, "It must be the after effects of the back blast of our weapon Rasd, Ang was never like that, he hated being a cock and cocks. This is phua cheebye gay."
After the startling revelation at Mr Happy's Place, the cronies mumbled that POPPY(Prince of Pain) as he is affectionately known has a working motto, albeit abit communist in nature, it guaranteed satisfaction. The motto was 你一定会再要,再要! (Ni yi ding hui zaiyao zaiyao).
Mr. Ang again was unavailable for comment on press time.
*Nerfy was supposedly a term of endearment
Editor's note: For those who cannot read chinese characters, try going to View>Encoding and select Unicode option. (Internet explorers users only)
posted by Chowzzer at 10:35 AM
6 Comments:
Excellent post. Proud of ya being able to dig out the gay pic of nerfy. I wonder if I should do a big time counter on Chalk or not....
Go ahead! Kill is love!!
ermm... yar i sent it to them... KILL IS LOVE... oh btw... better mosaic the fotos.. nice job.... wah took so long for u guys to come up with one... oh and btw... like wad chow said,.. not wise to use up all ammo at once
AND GOOD JOB!
"And on the eighth day The Prince of Pain cometh, and great woe be too all who know him, for He hath beladen them with iniquity and plentiful weeping about the women in his personal life.
So will shit falleth from the heavens, and so will the people of the earth picketh it up to wage battle against one another... And all will feel the anal-retentiveness of the harbinger of eternal sorrow they call The Nerf, and the word of thy day shall be: E-M-O.
(which so happens to be a misspelling of the word E-M-U by the great sage Wongcheok, due to poor lighting conditions and a miscalculated attempt to pen the Great Book Of Nonsense on a moving bus)
P.S. - i think i shall attempt to write a biblical sounding entry real soon. this's kinda fun.
wahahahha.
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