Kill Is Love

Happy Birthday Kenneth Phua!

2009-12-01T19:03:00.004+08:00

I wrote this somewhere else, but its clearly a C6-worthy post. Enjoy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"T'was Kenneth Phua's birthday a few days back. Although I didn't attend the event (if you could call a clubbing session at Butter an 'event'), the aftermath pretty much speaks for itself. Phua CB has absolutely no recollection of the fateful 28th November evening, save for entering Butter. He probably made out with his 'casual friend' ~~Amanda~~ Raszgoddess again, that Phua. I wouldn't be surprised - it'd only be the umpteenth time over the past half-dozen years.*

"This is, of course, purely my speculation. But its calculated speculation once one factors in the sheer number of times the two have (tongue) tangoed whilst sloshed and inundated with bass. For instance, I will never forget how three-or-so years back those two made out like bandits on the Phuture dance floor. Make out already still must arch forward, arch backward, arch forward again. Wah lan eh. Like a palm tree in the face of Hurricane Katrina - sway like crazy but macam don't give a fuck. And this was in front of her then-boyfriend or dunno-what-relation-guy somemore. Ex-boyfriend zero, Phuamanda ten thousand points.

"In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that's a nice way to put it. 'Phuamanda' - or maybe 'Phuamandina'. Like Niall Ferguson's catchy wordplay to describe Sino-American economic interdependence, Chimerica. Or Zachary Karabell's Superfusion (again, China and America).

"Phuamandina. It's a bit like Romeo and Juliet, if you think about it. Admittedly, there's none of the tenderness and affection that one would associate with a soppy love story. The partying/drunkenness/streets-of-rage action scenes are way, wayy overdone. First dibs on a bottle of poison don't necessarily belong to Romeo, but to whomever is feeling the most generous. Everyone drinks. And any instances of feeling star-crossed only occur the morning after. But the moral of the story - and if I may sneak in a cheap shot at Kenneth here - is that no matter how many times the story plays out in different places and at different times, no matter how many iterations the tale is spun, the couple never get to, shall we say... consummate their, um, love.

*: See Central 6 blog history for details."

Diving in Aceh

2009-08-28T00:19:00.003+08:00

Nerf: "Chow is how serious about his job! Go all the way to Aceh to report on the hardships, the humanitarian situation - gritty real-life reporter style leh!"

Chow: "Actually, I went Aceh for the diving hahahaha..."

Nerf: "..."

The aforementioned conversation took place a month back, at an Old Chang Kee stall outside of Far East Plaza. It appeared to be a seemingly innocuous revelation. Or was it? As a team of elite shit-stirrers, the C6 team's keen instinct for gossip is beyond compare. Consider the following...

Aceh - A hotbed of poverty and corruption following various accounts of rescue funds disappearing 'mysteriously' whilst under the jurisdiction of the Indonesian military.

Aceh - Home to thousands of poor, homeless and nubile young girls, many of whom lost their kin and kith during (and in the aftermath of) the tsunami.

Aceh - A nymphomaniac's dream come true?

Bearing this in mind, Team C6 cast its feelers out far and wide. Given the meticulous sweep of Central 6's resources, it was only a matter of time before we uncovered this incriminating photo of Chow's Acehnese ~~muff~~diving trip:

Oh. My. God. Say it with me - OHMYGOD.

For the blur cocks who don't quite see it:

Given the above evidence, Central 6 thus concludes that there clearly exists more than one way to enjoy the sport of 'diving'. Maybe Chow needed to get rid of some 'dive weight' residing in his lower body? Maybe the girl was hungry for Chow's 'Sea Cucumber'? Who knows? Either way, it's now clear that when it comes to Chow, there's always more to it than meets the eye... And so now we all know that, whenever Destiny's Chow asks you if you wanna join him on a diving trip, you'd better be careful, 'cuz...

KTV LIAISONS of an ARTY OFFICER

2009-08-23T20:04:00.008+08:00

IF you enjoyed the National Day Parade (NDP) recently, you might not have known the musical-like national day celebrations was planned as early as last year. And who else but our lovely CPT Cenneth Joel Phua, -whom you might have recalled as Mr Ang Mo Kio- was the person behind it.

It must be poignant for you, -all the foreign workers, talents, citizens and permanent residents alike- at the 20:22 moment, you placed your right hand across your left tit and renewed your vow that you will never ever quit as a quitter. Honestly, was it as good for you as for me?

Seriously. for me. it was a waste of my time and taxpayers' money. It clearly demonstrated what the NDP planners will resort to do to improve its viewership. Besides hoarding the CH 5,8 , and CNA. They even took Vasantham and Suria. Not only that, by arranging a massive onslaught to our senses, by launching a massive awareness (for a lack of better word) campaign through all forms of media. Does it make you more patriotic or idiotic? I seriously think that this is a waste of our taxpayers' money!

Therefore, in an attempt to uncover what do we pay army officers to do, Central6 underwent a month long undercover job to disclose where did you, the taxpayer, pay your income tax to, and in the spirit of public disclosure, Central6 have uncovered: KTV LIAISONS of an ARTY OFFICER.

n a month long sting operation, we were following Mr AMK around, on his entertainment expenses trip. Yes, as the title suggested, KTV or to the uninitiated, Karaoke Lounges.

When asked why he likes to visit these places so much, Mr AMK quipped: "It has always been the usual practice, to have a few sessions after the year long planning of the nation's celebrations."

"If I dun spend, where will they have money to pay income tax? Where I get my pay?" said Mr AMK.

Hence, the time finally came when we managed to find the empirical evidence to show you where your money is being spent. SINGING LESSONS.

Here, just take a look, Mr Phua or should I say Captain AMK with an unidentified friend humming to the tune, Girls not Grey at the KTV. Despite being tone deaf, Mr Phua still insists that he is a good singer.

"That is how the girls want to touch my bulge ok? I serenade them," he revealed. "You think one bottle of bombay sapphire gin enough meh? Need fingers also ok! They call me the Second Hand Serenade, I sing and I use my hands. Hur Hur," he chuckled. If you have missed the report of the Wong bastards chalet, pls read previous post.

Well, for all you folks out there, the judgment is ultimately up to you. Central6 is just here to report.

This reporter also found out that besides the innocent singing services, Mr AMK is apparently a high roller. He spent so much that he has to spoon, We mean be spoon-fed, sugar syrup so as to make his vodka go down smoother. Nuff said, evidence is as below.

Hmmm... I am so going to Swensons.

Meanwhile, do stay tune for more updates as our covet actions reporter bring you more updates.

Exploiting Unemployment: Part I

2009-08-22T01:50:00.008+08:00

My dear Reader! Why, hello there! My, hasn't it been a looooong time!

In a painfully obvious fashion, its been quite awhile since anything was posted on this journal. Is anyone even reading this? Do tell - it'd be good to hear from someone (... anyone?), seeing as to how I've still plenty to post...

Wait. What's that, you say? Plenty to... That's right, ladies and gentlemen. You're absolutely right. Just when you all but closed the coffin door on Central 6, here cometh thy proclamation - I've still plenty to post. The thing is, Central 6 incurred a significant backlog of gossip whilst the four of us (plus the numerous honorary members-cum-smokers who used to plague Central Library and the Old Canteen) went about raising hell. What happened to all that trash - the stories, the videos, the memories? Lost, that's what; lost whilst we were busy saving trashy tales as leverage for a rainy day; lost whilst we schemed and plotted to mass-produce items of universal gossip, to be disseminated amongst ourselves for lifelong storage and reminiscence; lost, as with all good things in life that are ever transient.

But fear not, for Cheok's IBM HDD (that nears extinction even as I write this, buzzing like a turbine on crack) does not lie. All these years I've stored the data files for the first and second Wong Bastard (supposedly) Annual Chalets, waiting for the opportunity and budget to manufacture copies for all who attended. Unsurprisingly, the masters of procrastination who encompassed Central 6's membership never did commit to the task, and so for the past 4 years I've had a derelict folder on D: drive that's collecting cobwebs.

Till now. Naturally, I'm assuming that since none of the original members (save, perhaps, Chow and Nerfy on the occasional whim) visit this blog, I've implicit clearance to air stuff that probably would have met with considerable resistance 3-4 years back. And, you know lah, fuckit man - also good to put things up somewhere, rather than have my goddamn HDD crash on me and that's-it gone-case gee-gee.

So, without further ado, and for my own benefit if no-one reads this stuff anymore - leaked material from the past. I'll put it up over time, piecemeal; maybe, given the period of post-graduation unemployment that I'm now in, I'll be motivated to reassemble C6 for some fresh dirt production... You never know, baby!

School project that Chalk did. Naturally, he was handpicked for the job; equally naturally, he never wanted this published online. hur.

Dr. Don's dabble at Pageant fame. Obviously picked up some pointers from Mr. Ang Mo Kio on stage poses. My good (maybe not so good after he sees this) friend of eleven-or-so years, hopes eventually to be a pediatrician. Print this out for free checkups - for life! Please don't let him discover I put this up.

Bedroom scene from the 1st Wong Bastard's Chalet - and also the crime scene for one of Nerfy's most blemished scandals. See Chalk? Mr Ang Mo Kio is behind him. Behind Nerf? See the rise of the the chest? That's no male specimen, my friends... Legs on legs, hot rubbing action, hands down the pants, ho ho ho Mister Phua!

This was, incidentally, not an anyhow-shit-stir story. This one, true one ah. You see his pants, bulge suspiciously at a certain area? You see her grinning teeth reflected off the camera flash? Ho ho ho.

Phua, SECOND Wong Bastard's Chalet. I don't think I need to say much more about this one... He obviously got her drunk with that bottle of Bombay Sapphire. Ho ho ho x 2

Again, it makes you wonder - all that BS we incorporated into this blog... Just how much of it was true?

Well, that's all for now! God damnit, I thought there were more... spicy... files, somewhere. Wasn't there one of Chalk frenching someone else's girlfri... Mmmmmm. Lemme go look around. Till next time, dear Reader!

P.S.: Incidentally, if you look carefully, the girl in the last photo - the one with the blue shirt - appears in the 2nd last photograph as well. That's right, in the bed adjacent to Kenneth's. Guess who's groin she's got her hands on? A-ha... Ho ho ho.

YES WE"re BACK mofos....

2007-07-27T12:05:00.000+08:00

In the spirit of a ressurection... just an update of what the crew's been up to

Wongcheok - Happily attached?
Chalk - Happily attached too? but we know chalk.... being attached is but theres' no such
thing as being attached FOR LONG at least
Chow - Well MVP CHOW CHEEEEEHONNNNGGGG on his way to getting laid by some
banker chick or so we heard from the grape vine.

And me? - Hah.... time for a revelation... YES it's true...
The Botak's a molester
a rapist
an arsonist
a serial "get-girls-drunk-and-grope-them" kinda guy
but to top it up.... he's definately GAY

Now that you've caught a glimpse of what we've been up to of late...

Here's a visual...

CAN U DIGG IT SUCKAs...... Its been featured on U-weekly btw....

PEACE OUT FAGs

New Beginnings (Again)

2007-07-23T02:05:00.000+08:00

The word is out - Central 6 is back.

New cast and crew, of course. Considering that we've 2 founding members outta school now, we're definitely on the prowl for new blood. Anyone willing to contribute... or rather, willing to commit flagrant gossip-mongering with the remaining 2 members, do step up and let us know.

A word of advice for any would-be female applicants, though - rumor has it that the Nerf and the Cheok are part of a clandestine fraternity who apparently 'make girls drunk and do funny things to them'.

Then again, I once was accused of being FASS' resident genius drug dealer, so go figure.

Parameters definitely have to change. For instance, it appears that new members notwithstanding, the Nerf will be the sole target of shit-stirring. This is because the Cheok has gotten himself attached, and refuses to partake of thine holy grail (or rather, thine unholy shit-kwali). That being said, I still remain moderator and founder of the blog... which gives me divine right of avoidance.

Stay tuned: we've got a great idea coming up. One with the potential to rock the very foundations of hilarity as we know them.

Yes, we are that damned good.

Spirit Fingers

2006-11-01T12:53:00.000+08:00

Mr Ang Mo Kio presents his very own rendition of Bring It On's...

Spirit Fingers. You go, girl!

Just When You Thought The Coast Was Clear...

2006-09-09T03:27:00.000+08:00

Whilst admittedly this site faces a dozen and one future problems in maintaining its dynamism, recent events have served to remind all crew of Central 6 that even in our darkest hours, legends are born the way phoenixes rise from the ashes: fresh off the press not 2 hours ago, I am proud to announce our very first...

CONTENDER TO THE TITLE OF MR AMK!

Fresh from the debacle of the Colin and Kero saga...

... Syahzan, determined to breakout of the mould of extremist homosexuality, assembled an entourage of credible eyewitnesses so as to witness an exhibition his newfound secret powers - skills he has apparently spent the past 3 month holidays perfecting. Spying a completely inebriated caucasian female performing what appeared to be a western version of Kabuki dance smack in the middle of EIC's sub-par performance (clearly showing that she was drunk beyond compare, because no sober person would feel the express desire to headbang to such a dead performance), he fired off his top-secret and incredibly mysterious directional pheromones, much to the awe and unanimous gasps of the half-dozen strong audience.

This radical and intense qi-gong in turn resulted in aforementioned angmoh cha bor abruptly abandoning her primal attempts at Dance-Dance Revolution, only to begin prowling for the source of the overwhelming qi. It was only a matter of time before she discerned the source of the mysterious allure, and proceeded to french Syahzan in front of an amazed audience.

Yes folks, this is true; while there have been instances which dispute the accuracy of Central 6's reporting of factual accounts, this represents an instance whereby multiple correlations from several eyewitnesses can be used to substantiate our observations; in other words, Paul Elias Mark and I all saw it. Soom-pah.

However, Syahzan did experience a small amount of dismay when the stupid angmoh got her initial interpretation of the directional pheromones wrong, and proceeded to french another guy (this fella, Ian) before correctly locating the target source. So, umm, basically Syahzan got 2nd helpings.

But still! As PengCheng22 has so observantly pointed out, a legend has nevertheless been born this very day - From the ashes of the past, a new Mr AMK has arisen - Syahzan, MR ANG MOH KILLER.

Ladies and gentlemen, mark carefully this day - a legend has been born. With the incorporation of the new and untapped angmoh element, Central 6 will never be the same again. Soom-pah.

Every End Is A New Beginning

2006-09-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

Semester 1's heading into week 4 and STILL no activity.

No new members - Mark Koh is hoarding all his images and video clips, although I need partly accept blame for that because I haven't gotten around to adding his ass to the new board.

Wait - WHAT new board? We haven't even found fucking replacements, man!

It's either we incorporate fresh blood, or we redo the package (I think Chow has some idea coming along), or we go anonymous and start fucking destroying random people around arts.

I quite like the last idea, but that's just me.

Hai. That stupid Phua CB, go arts camp beo girls then never find fresh blood! No hope already lah, like that - arts camp OGL also never find new shit-stirrers...

With Each Dying Breath...

2006-05-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

As everyone should by now know, the school semester came upon us like a fucking force-ten gale, whirlpooling truckloads of shit into the open and propagating the trade of scandals openly as though they were White Rabbit Sweets... Alas, all good things ('good' is a highly arguable term, really) must necessarily come to an end, and so we find Central 6 - I refer now to the library, and not the blog specifically - having to bid farewell to a core group of members and contributors:

Chalk - Cousin and Numero Uno target of lambasting
Chow - MVP and therefore commonly associated with the girl who 'only falls in love with the best'
Harold - Photographer, scandal-whore and occasional cad
Paul Chia, Sky God (department of divine assistance)
Huiyi, who has amazingly escaped our target reticles

Umm. Alright, I can't really think of more right now because such decent speeches are hardly the intent of my post. In fact... come to think of it, NOTHING decent ever stems from my posts. But anyway.

I have 2 points.

Firstly, I am in the process of compiling the assorted video clips and pictures from Monday's chalet (Annual Wong Bastards' Chalet night)... This would have been a much easier task, had Harold not cancelled the file transfer 3 minutes from completion. And this was after an hour of waiting - Harold, you ass!

Nevertheless, I have already screened through Huiyi's stockpile of clips and shots, and boy are they a hoot - 263340 kilobytes of hoot, to be exact. It's my aim to compile all this gibberish onto cds, which will eventually (and ideally) land into the hands of all who came. This is obviously a monumental task bespeaking of 1.) my proud efforts as organiser of all things indecent, and 2.) my incredible boredom over the first few weeks of holidays.

Naturally, some teeeeny weeeeeeny bit of censorship is necessary, for reasons best known to the people who... well, who are in the know. So yes - those who still read this site, look forward to the cd.

Secondly, as all things this semester have been i.e. extremely fucking last minute vis-a-vis the chalet, I have done up preliminary designs for a Central 6 tee. Upon finalisation of the aforementioned design (naturally this involves input from as many of the Central 6 library group as possible), i'll get Chalk to pester Michael to give us a good price or something to that effect. But for now, this is my proposal - which may or may not radically change over the next week:

Very the emo, right not? Hmm. We'll see how it goes over the next week.

Down With The Warlord!

2006-04-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

Dear fellow comrades in readership, it has come to my attention that feudalism in central6 is on the rice. Hence it is paramount for us to overcome the warlord that has been resting on his laurels and collecting our harvest which we so painstakingly planted. Every seedling, every plant was planted with utmost care and when it is time for harvesting, the feudal lord came with a combine harvester and reap what we had sown. It is like ancient Japan, where fellow peasants planted their rice only to have half or more of their rice being taken away by the daimyo as "rice tax". It is like the landless Vietnamese, when they are given their own land only to be taken away by the Nguyen Warlords for "farming purposes" and it is like the Green Revolution in India where the poorer peasants unable to afford a combine harvester losing out to the richer farmers out there with a combine harvester that could collect faster, more efficient and in a lesser amount of time. We need to have an uprising my fellow farmers, we need to break that upper elite class with memberships to the high clubs in our country and we need to have a class struggle. Ignore the rhetoric that the warlord said, because like their songs suggested, "hips dun lie", your body language cannot lie to us, u weaseling warlord. Yes, we need to stem out the undercutting of our rice prices, we need to rise up against this elitist class that is strangling us with their threatening music comprising of "gunshots" and brainwashing banging bass and we need to say no, we shall not let you have anymore of our harvest.
Stand up my brothers, let's create a revolution and make an end to history. Let's us all embrace the revolutionary spirit. Remember, in unity we get strength. No more shall we be subjugated! Stand up! Stand Up my fellow brothers in arms!!

Chow Marx

Oh. My. God.

2006-04-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

"Coupled on 19th April 06"

I'm sure we'll have our very own ColinandKero soon (that's a homosexually-inclined teenager blog, if you haven't heard of it. Worryingly enough, the couple seem to live in my neighborhood - Bukit Batok).

S'alright, Benja and Kudus, we at Central6 are confident that you two lovebirds will pull through storm and fire to be together. For crusading against social norms and varsity gossip - we salute you.

As for Benja's girlfriend... Ooops. No hard feelings, yo.

Neo Printttt!!!

2006-04-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

I have to admit: i'm highly tempted to swap the Uma Thurman picture with this.

A FILLER

2006-04-03T01:05:00.000+08:00

just sth for laughs

The Mate Debate

2006-03-31T01:24:00.000+08:00

Basically, central 6 as all you folks might have noticed have been constantly revolving around the pepetuous allegations of "innocent" victims, whom we managed to land a photo or two of. So for a change, and as a start of the evolution of central6.blogspot.com. Me and lionel have decided to go for a lil change in the content that actually makes its way onto central6.

The Mate Debate! The question's that's been looming, over all of our pathetic minds, ever since we got in touch with our sexuality, and as for most girls, its ever since they got in touch with the notion of dreaming. Both me and lionel were sipping over some Iced Lemon Tea when we got down to talking about girls AGAIN, yes again, what else? (STFU for all of you who think tt we're desperate cos we're not) . Anyway for details on what actually went on, visit www.wongcheok.blogspot.com.

Somehow our conversation as always without the inteference of disruptive individuals (aka Mr Chalk and Duster), managed to transcend into a serious debate about what kind of girls are we actually looking for, and before i bore you with any details of our preferences and dislikes. I'd like to pose the questions that our conversation very much revolved upon.

Are Girls who Club reliable? Trustworthy? And how decent is decent? Would you want a girlfriend who clubs? or a Girlfriend who doesn't?

Firstly, are girls who club reliable? For those of you fuckheads who are thinking of reliable in the terms of being a "reliably good fuck", i think you should fuck your mum right now. Reliability in the sense that are they are relatively decent, reliable in mantaining the sole right to their "lil down south lips" to just you, or are they the kinda girls who'd just let themselves get slimed and fucked when they get drunk and depress right after a quarrel they had with you during dinner.

I personally feel that it really boils down to trust, above all ( yea yea, all of u are probably thinking tt i'm a moron now). But its inevitably true, it really depends on how much you trust your gf that makes her reliable and how much of that trust is actually correctly placed. And for me, i'd love a gf who can club, dance, and drink like a fish (who obviously wouldn't cheat on me as well). A girl friend i could relate to basically.

However, Lionel on the other hand, mantains that girls who club often enough, and by enough i mean anithing more than 4 times a year have the basic tendency to evolve into sluts. I vehemently disputed this at first, however, after he painted a beautiful scenario as follows, i was kinda swayed:

You quarrel with your girlfriend

She goes out with her friends clubbing to "let loose" and by hell i mean LET HER SELF BE LOOSE

She bumps into an old flame, (one whom the had sth really going but had to end due to the infamous "CIRCUMSTANTIAL REASONS"

They have a lil chat ( mostly about you being a jackass), accompanied by some alcohol which we all know are aphrodisiacs

They get a lil tipsy, she lies on his shoulder and she gazes into his eyes and he gazes back.

They FUCK.

End of story.

Possible scenario, in fact very possible, and the worst part is, she doesnt even have to fuck him, a long wet smouldering luscious passionate battle of their tongues would constitute enough infidelity than one could take. So now you realise why i was wavered. Lionel had then gone on to insist that without the inclinations to club, the chances of the boyfriend putting on a green fucking condom on his head would be greatly reduced. Yea it probably would, BUT picture this:

Boy and Girl quarrels

Girl calls up her "best guy friend"
"best guy friends are usually losers who onced like the girl but lost her to you but he managed to worm his way into her heart, and probably lips, just not into her pants" basically they are losers

Best guy friend picks her up in his nice car - usually better than yours

He brings her to some secluded spot in Pulau tekong, parks his car there and starts comforting her.

Soon enough, his shoulders would seem like just the spot your girlfriend would be SO LIE ON.

Then she'll start complaining about you and how he's better than you in wadeva fuck shit aspects. (like he's got a greater personality while your just plain good looking, like he's got a short dick but yours is a monster dick) --- girls, they love to make whoever they're with seem good -- WHORES

Anyway, then before you know it, they'd be fornicating like how chow licks his fingers whenever he sees this tutorial mate of ours -- trust me you DO NOT want to see her.

END of story again.

Which basically leaves both me and lionel a little confused, so... is a girl who loves clubbing a minus point or just something neutral. TO me, it doesnt matter, but to lionel yes it does, so all you whores who are actually thinking of being his gfs you better think twice about mentioning anithing about Zouk or MOS in front of him maybe accept for "I HATE ZOUK and MOS". But for those of you who just wanna get into our pants, just whisper in ou ears. i love CLubbing. We'll get the msg.

For chalk however, just tell him u have a pussy, doesnt really matter what planet ure from or how many sores you have in ure loosely hung pussy as long as u have one.

Back to what i was talking about, so basically, it really boils down to the true decency of the girl, i mean she could be a whore that just hates, clubbing or a really decent girl that thrives on Tiesto. So the question now is then how decent is decent and how decent are you guys willing to accept.

Here at central 6 we appreciate ure comments as well as undying support, hence, we'd love for you to comment appropriately according to our content and pls for this post. Dun type something like.... "haha you guys have a serious side" FUCK YOU, we know that so shut the fuck up for christ's sake, or any of those brainless comments like "haha... so cool" just bcos your fucking pea brain is probably puzzled by anithing more complicated than breathing.

With that, tune in more, as we slowly figure out the IDEAL CHICK, and for those of you who actually post something constructive, we'd try to mention it in our next post, or consider any ideas you might have. CHEERS

great job guys...

2006-03-21T21:21:00.000+08:00

I have been told that I should defend myself time and again...and now I regret the times that I did not heed that advice thinking I will be spared...but once again...sigh...I have been victimised...I lose pants down....I mean hands down...but there are so many uncovered topics that should have been here....
Sigh...whatever happened to Kenneth's sexcapades at Lionel's 21st birthday party story with Chui Lian? Also Lionel and Kenneth 'La Ji' with the random zoukout girl also not mentioned...Kelvin's Eusoff Hall sex toy taunts ALSO NOT MENTIONED!!! Harold's fascination with Mah Leen also obscured!!! Kelvin kena Peeped At by the Central Library PEEPING TOM ALSO SILENCED!!! ARGHHHH.......WHY WHY WHY??? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?!!!? But as usual, I am an uprighteous person...I still believe in forgiving and forgetting....sigh....nice guys finish last...

SMS flirts

2006-03-20T02:33:00.000+08:00

Will some one pls tell me Why the fuck is the straits times reporting on SMS flirts. This just plainly goes to show that how dysfunctional our society has become. And i quote, from thesundaytimes

"Call it Sexual Message Service"

okay, i dun wanna slam Straits Times too much in case i get sued or anithing, but its becoming apparent that they are definately trying to ride on the "sex sells" theory that the media has been exploiting over the years. However, whilst working on this post, my "spy" has brought to my attention that one of the our dear friends have been indulging in these "textual intercourses" lately, or rather since he friggin owned a fucking phone.

Thanks to our extreme paparazzi techniques, we were able to grab hold of some evidence of their Sexual messages..... or so they call it. Anyway for the faint hearted first, just to establish the context and the people involved here's the initial messages, note how CHALK aka fast and furious fingers skilfully manuveours the topic as they go along.

SMS flirting, a postmodern phenomena!

Note how chalk turns on the heat

*the girl whom chalk was messaging, has been blurred to protect her innocent identity"

Well there we have it, the master at work, now we finally know how chalk aka fast and furious fingers gets his twice a day lay.... For those of u who don't know... this is but one of the thousands of girls he beds. for the girls out there don't worry if u aint as busty as G******** or as horny as half-japs, or as tight assed as million dollar M, or even as emo as Trinity, doesnt matter, as long as u remotely resemble a girl, you could be THAT girl he's bedding today... just call 1900-CHALK-FUCK, it could be ure lucky day.

Oh and btw, for those of you who actually are thinking of using this method to get laid... go fuck ureself, or convince ure mum to give u a blowjob, it might be better for you.

Hunting Season Has Arrived!

2006-03-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

As promised, i'm back with more juicy tit-bits of gossip. In fact... You know what? I don't even have to resort to extensive pictorial editing this time round!

Chalk's Afternoon Quickie

1.) Chalk has animated discussion with mysterious girl. Small talk of generally flirtatious nature is traded... For example: "Chalk? Chalk and duster, that chalk ah? Hee hee..."

2.) Chalk and Duster-girl disappear for a short period of time. Somewhere around the region of 15-20 minutes. The fact that acts of hedonistic sexual copulation have similar timespans does not escape our razor-sharp intellects.

3.) Chalk returns , sweaty and dishevelled. Loudly announces he is feeling 'drained' (we shall refrain from speculating what was 'drained' out of him). Proceeds to conk out on table. We leave him concussed and head outside for a smoke.

4.) We return to find this:

It's no wonder we have peeping toms in the library toilets: You see a pair of male and female legs, plus all the heated moaning and screams of elation erupting from behind the cubicle door like hot lava from a fucking volcano, you also feel like peeping over the divider man.

And you see, we cannot be lying because he is wearing the same black shirt in both pictures! The hair, also same! A-HA! Ni3 Wan2 Le3, Chalk.

Kenneth's Turn to Tammy

Ever since the explosion of the Tammy incident, our dear Kenneth has secretly been harboring a deep sense of jealousy. Why? Simply because Tammy's exploits draw attention away from his own publicity - he is, after all, THE Mr Ang Mo Kio who has appeared on television beside Ann Cock, you know.

And how do I know this? Simply because he told me so la.

Anyway - where was I? Ah, yes - And so Kenneth has resorted to picking up minors from surfing friendster. Yes, thats right people:

UNDERAGED GIRLS.

FRIENDSTER.

SEX.

Once again, we cannot be lying about her age. I mean, look at her video image - She's fucking biting the nose of that freaking big toy bear, for Chrissakes.

Kenneth, please be reminded that sex with underaged minors = rotan many many. Plus, army regulars will surely have their faces plastered on the Straits Times cover; guarantee chop one, this. We understand your insatiable desire for publicity and self-promotion... But frankly that's abit much, don't you think?

However, as long as you exercise discretion while filming the Tammy, rest assured we'll keep your identity hush. Just send us all the vid for safekeeping beforehand.

Well... I guess that's all we have peopl... Oh, wait - What do we have here?

Whoa! Jeez, even the Sky God isn't spared this time round! Guess it's certainly Hunting Season over in Central 6 after all... Lock and load, folks.

X Rated

2006-03-10T02:45:00.000+08:00

First off: I look abysmally huge in that edited photo down the screen. As though i'm Kelvin Chow's twin brother. Obviously, that is hardly the case: Kelvin could easily break me in half like a fallen twig, which is why I shall not disclose his liaisons with Mel (whom some of you remember as the Girl from Pastamania). I mean, there really isn't much to say... After all, everyone praises the girls they like for having voluptuous breasts, right? I'm sure every alpha male taking after Kelvin regularly tells their crushes that they're top heavy. It's a common thing, no biggie - Kelvin, your secrets are safe with me.

Anyway, here's a short filler picture. I don't have time for posting much, because its 3 in the morning and i'm due to wake in 5 hours time. Plus, I have a wedding duty for a friend all of saturday, and thou art fucking exhausteth. Presenting... The things we (okay, I) do when bored in the library - I guess you could call it the Central6 X-men, or some lame variant to that effect. Personally, I was toying with the idea of The Xcentrics:

If you can't match the faces to the Crew, use your imagination. If you STILL can't identify who the above people are, you really ought to... Go fuck yourself. "No, seriously." "I'm doing essay every night." "Pffffft." "I like 17 year old girls who bite soft toys when they video conference with me." "I call you back."

Kenneth? Damn right we're watching - You're up once I get back from wedding duty. And Chalk? You aren't spared either. Stay tuned, peeps.

Just a gentle reminder

2006-03-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

Just in case u've been letting down ure guard...

Brokeback to the Future I

2006-02-28T23:05:00.000+08:00

Why Hello to all out revered readers out there, it has been brought to our attention that our website had not been updated since the previous episode of "Fistcuffs over Chinatown". Rest assured our dear readers, Central6 is not slacking away, but rather burying our heads in tons and tons of newspaper archives and sieving through quality information to provide the greatest exposee of all time. Recent big issues such as the Serangoon Shooting or the Anarchy of Arroyo's regime could not be compared to the latest finding made by us. To all our readers out there, there is a "backbroker" on the prowl. Yes, it is true, not a heartbreaker, or a stock broker. He is what we term as the "backbroker". Why do we say so? It is because, apparently, this "backbroker" bloke will sneak up to you when your back is facing him and with a sleight of hand and twist of fate, his arms will wrap around your waist. Oh the sensation is not just one of shock, but one that feels like you are "on a bed of nails (and)he makes you wait" Apparently, the main target will not be the softness of your waist but instead the scaly feeling of your spine against his body. This is what we call "broke-backing", the jargon these "backbrokers" make, claiming that they are brokers for your virgin back.
Fear not our readers, this "backbroker" has been identified and he has been spotted amongst the angsty teens of "Le Deck". Apparently it was not the first time that he had been "broke-backing" there. We at Central6 manage to dig up some really old newspaper articles of "brokebacking" and it is imperative that we expose this brazen "broke-backing" bastard to save your virgin backs.

Photos Courtesy of Joel's Studios. Copyrighted 14 Feb 2001
"Brokebacker" Wong doing what we call a "You jump, I jump" post, caught broke-backing.

This picture clearly exemplified a process whereby the victim was getting her back, brokered. The "backbroker", Wong Cheok ****** aka Moshing wif Kosheen(name witheld in order to protect the victim) is related to one of the up and coming stars of the rocking world, Chalk aka Fast and Furious Fingers whom incidentally was also featured in our exclusive reports here at Central6. It seems that the family always get into the limelight for the Wong (pardon the pun)reasons. Now back to current time, 14th of February 2006. It seems that a leopard never changes its spot, a tiger never changes it stripes, a wong can never be right.

Photo Courtesy of Chalkism

A few years later, alerted by one of our readers, Bu Shi Ghey, we caught with our very special roving camera, Wong Cheok ******* alias Wongcheok after shedding a few pounds, is approaching his lolita at the chai peng rocks store (once again) for another session of "back-broking". Fortunately this time, it was just a misunderstanding, for WongCheok now is an esteemed guest in MOS with his new beau, Miss Chin Kong Kum always moshing to hip-hop tunes and willing "backbrokers" to each other. It was just a harmless friendship day gesture by Wongcheok (at this moment we appeale to our revered readers to look closely to his left arm, and where is it heading, you guys decide.) When interrogated, Wongcheok's defense was "Happy Valentine's Day and may all your mangoes be ripe and juicy." Now where did we hear that before?

This was what Wongcheok gave to shar-oops on 14th Feb 2006.

Now let us all come together once more to decipher what is the truth and what is not for here at Central6 only provides the evidence for our readers to think for themselves. Till next time, this is Central6 signing out.

All our research funds are proudly sponsored by the following sponsor:

We always know what you are looking for

Fisticuffs Over Chinatown

2006-02-06T22:51:00.000+08:00

Like light to the flies, the crew of Central6 has once again invited some major trouble, this time in the form of a dreaded...

Bizarre Bermuda Love Triangle of Doom: Kelvinchow vs. Nerfyphua

Announcer: "Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of ALL ages...! Welcome to Monday Night RAW! As you know, the World Heavyweight Shit-Flinging Title is up for contention tonight so, without any further ado, may I introduce the CONTESTANTS!"

"In the BLUE corner, weighing in at 138lbs, wearing the gay-purple shorts and gloves... He is the challenger, and you know him as MR ANG MO KIO... We haveeeee... Kenneth 'NERFY' Phua!!!

*Whoops and wild applause*

I will give you 'ang bao', hmmm...? One wonders what special 'ang bao' this is... Not all little packets are necessarily red in colour... Better yet, it's a trade for Kenneth's *ahem* ORANGES, huh? HMMM.

What, no hot-sauce? Oh behave, Nerfy...

Announcer: "... And in the RED corner, weighing in at 186lbs and wearing the bleeding emo-red shorts and gloves... Always acting like an innocent lamb... He is the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... Presentingggg... Kelvin 'THE SLAMMER' Chow!!!

*Cat-calls and wolf-whistles*

What a photo! What love!! Taken only recently after a hot Chinatown outing over the new year, it's clear why Chow is the reigning champion: That oozing machismo... His Rugby God status... The doting, loving kiss he plants on L-sy's cheek to comfort her from the horrors of the monster crowd... He's a bonafide winner, guys. I'm sorry, it's true. Just look at him - I'm telling you, you can practically FEEL the tender emotion from across the screen.

Be very fearful when the Heavyweight Champion lurks, I tell you - There's no telling how many girls he could break the hearts of! Not 10 girls not 80 girls not 2andahalf girls not 800 girls not choot-choot girls not 30 girls just TOO MANY GIRLS!!

We shall all pray for a peaceful resolution to this totally-violent and utterly-destructive conflict. Also, don't forget to pray that Underworld: Evolution turns out to be a good movie while you're at it. Stay tuned for Valentine Day Gift Ideas, coming up next!

A New Chapter, A New Beginning...

2006-01-29T03:50:00.000+08:00

2005 was a glorious year that saw many twists and turns in central6. We would like to thank all readers and supporters for perpetual readership despite most events being centred around the same characters over and over again. We promise to work harder and uncover more happenings within campus and beyond. In addition new characters will be featured, living up to our motto of 'leaving no stone un-turned, stirring til it all becomes smooth'! Don't you just love the way that sounds? Oh Yeah Sugar, we're going down!

Here at Central6, we are already sizing up for our latest update. And this time the tables have turned against great Sage, Odin*, finds himself lost in the gaze of his lover, amidst the barraging bargainers and toxic fumes from firecrackers in Busty Chinatown....gotcha didn't I? Yeah it was busy like hell....Anyway, although Odin missed last year's second 'Dozen Year' of the Chinese zodiac cycle, it is never to late to Start in the year of the Bitch...i mean dog, and Odin's true love saga begins right outside the 7-11 at Outram MRT....

Stay Tuned for Odin Conquers Outram.....(with pictures included).....for now Gong Xi Fa Cai...and oh please for god sake, Do Not Drink N' Drive, I REPEAT DO NOT DRINK N' DRIVE...like duh, with a drink in your hand, you can't control your car properly, that's the reason why so many accidents happen when people drink N' drive....Please adhere to traffic rules alright people? Remember if you have to drive, please Drink THEN Drive, and not Drink N' Drive.

Definitions

2006-01-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

Here are some fillers to keep the ardent fans entertained while we scoop somemore shit. The definitions below resulted from many cups of ice lemon tea* and countless hours of chitty chatty in the arts canteen. Incidentally, the conversational topic below resulted in one our editors, chalk, to spit our laksa gravy through his nose. So without further ado, let us proceed with some not so typical english definitions and let the older editors of Central6 remininsce the good old days.

Demand: Pronounced as The(Dee) Man.

Demeanour( Dee Mee Na): the female version of the mat, aka the girlfriend
of demand

Deflower: the organic object that demand give to demeanour to win her
heart.

Deploy: a scheme that demand will hatch.

Divas: used in sentence structure (SS) Deflower is put in divas by
demeanour

Debrief: the garment that is also known as underwear. SS: Demand wears
debrief.

Defence: a structure that defines the perimeter of an area

Dysentry: aka guard duty. SS: Demand kanna dystentry when he jumped over
defence to meet demeanour.

Dependant: an orament that demeanour wears around her neck.

Descend: a very nice smell. SS: Descend is very alluring.

Delight: Illuminination. Delight is very bright.

Decoy: the japanese fish

Deduct: a creature that goes quack quack

Desire: a title. SS: Desire is here, pls rise.

Dethrone: the place where desire sits in

Deform: SS: Desire signs on deform to approve the budget

Design: built for the intent to direct, educate and instruct.

Demise: the plural form of mouse

Determination: the process of stopping

Describe: a person that writes for desire

Demoralise: the righteous parasite in one's hair

Device: unhealthy habits. Prostitution is device

Delay: the process of being f***ed

Decline: customers. SS: Decline went to geylang to look for device to get
delay.

Debate: an organic or inorganic material to catch decoy

*Central6 do not normally endorse products that are easily obtainable by the mass, however the ice lemone tea of The Deck is simply too alluring to not to be awarded a brief mention on Central6, bascially it costs on 50 cents.

Chapter XII

2006-01-21T11:18:00.000+08:00

And on the third week it was quiet on all fronts, and many a reader beseeched the Great Gods 'Where art thou updates?', to which Loki* replied 'Patience, young ones - the Seeds Of Chaos bloom only during Monday lunches, for that is when the Great Gods convene to drink copious amounts of ice lemon tea and bitch about the weather.' And so the worshippers waited with patience, as Loki bade them to.

Nevertheless, the dalliances of the other Great Gods remained worthy of note:

Thor* continued the search for the prophesied mother-to-his-child; his furious blitzkrieg through the hearts of mortal women was swift and fearsome, and men trembled in their boots at the thought of being cuckolded, for they knew they appeared poor and inadequate in comparison to his exuberant charm and emotive screams during jamming sessions.

So it was that happy couples were rent and torn asunder, and even the married Lady Mal-ady found herself on extended conversations with the Thunder God about many, many things (mostly cheeky subjects best left to lovers). Meanwhile, Thor continued to rampage the world of mortal man, leaving in his wake a plague of hellfire, and of brimstone, and finally of used condoms... And the people gnashed their teeth in agony at the last plague, for while they could hide from the fire and brimstone, the public toilets and drains and sewage pipes were completely blocked, and soon the people were wading knee-deep in shit.

But such was the will of the Great Gods, for plenty of shit meant lots of stirring, and they were thus greatly pleased at Thor's irresponsible dalliances. And the year became known as The Plumber's Bullion, such was the wealth of the average plumber that he could invest in stocks and shares with reckless abandon...

Anansi the Spider God* was no less busy, and his eight legs prowled the realms of women effortlessly. Little can be said of Anansi here, save that scribes of the day noted his preferential tastes for Stupid (with a capital 'S') women of late...

(Scribe's Note: Incidentally, the chronicles of the Succubus Min Leg-Lifter have been accurately portrayed by another, and serve as a useful reference for what will no doubt be young and foolish future generations)

Neither was Bragi*, Bard of the Gods, left without role in the tales of this chapter; for Bragi had himself become embroiled in a magnificent duel of song and wit with his estranged lover. Such was the great chaos and destruction that followed the aftermath of Bragi's philandering ways that the other Great Gods had no option but to lend their strength in support of The Bard, despite their complete inability to relate to Bragi's newest musical inclinations, that being the sounds of 50-Cents-Short, Snoop Frogg and the like. Neither did they feel comfortable with Bragi's mismatched assortment of clothing... but nevertheless for a brief span the Great Gods were united, and of thunderstorms there were many as they waged fierce battles in the sky.

And all the more did the citizenry gnash their teeth and curse the Gods under their breaths... for the sewer contents had risen to waist high levels, and children under the ages of 6 were forced to don dive suits and scuba masks, swimming through seas of offal and piss. Nevertheless, this was once again the will of the Great Gods, for younger generations had become lazy and heavy-laden with iniquity, and the act of forcing them to perform intense physical activity from young was intended to toughen up both body and spirit of the children... Even if they never smelt quite right for the rest of their lives.

Odin* cannot be scribed in this chapter, for tis' Priests from the Temple of Anansi the Spider who bear this heavy responsibility. And so, the chapter endeth here.

*Match the individuals to the names yourself, cuz I ain't gonna do it for you.

Angmokioan History X(xx)

2006-01-17T10:35:00.000+08:00

As the life of a reporter, there are countless times when we are forced to hand in tabloid reports for the purpose of sensationalising and gossiping. Henceforth, in the following report, I will undertake the dangerous yet enlightening task of clearing the air of a famous campus character, who was last seen featured in a tabloid report which allegedly cause a vehement reaction and resulted in a vindictive rebuttal disguised as the "offensive stance". It will be to the reader's delight to find out more about this mysterious Angmokian aka Mr Ang Mo Kio and in the following passages, the truth will be revealed on how and why this particular species being evolved into its current state and without further ado, through the lens of history, we shall dwell deep into the annuals of Angmokioan history X and unleash the true blue character of Mr Ang(first name) Mo Kio (Mr. AMK).

Gathering the evidence of this famous character was never easy in the first place. It took many weeks of data collation and countless hours in the archives of Mr Happy's Place, a pub cum library housing the data of many 'happy' celebrities located at the hotspot, hotbed of erm, male activities in Tanjong Pagar. We had to fend off leering looks and perverted peers on numerous occasion in the name of research and my homos, i mean homies were very brave in fending off suggestive comments like "Hey stud, wanna try the iGallop with me?" Contrary to popular belief, the iGallop was not invented by the company Orsim, it has been around for ages, just not patented by the cronies hanging out at Mr Happy's Place. They were so sure of their deus sex machina that they guaranteed in a heavily accented chinese slang, "Ni Yi Ding Hui ZAIYAO ZAIYAO(你一定会再要,再要)" Due to research purposes, we had no choice but be benevolently benign to the perverted pansies in order to find the truth of Mr AMK. Persistence finally paid off when we manage to find footage of what turn out to startling, astonishing and perception changing. It is my duty to warn the readers that the following contents will cause nauseouness and homophobia.

It is a well known fact in the modelling world that clean cherubic looks are pretty important. Fashionita-extraordinae cum talent scout cum artiste manager, Carrie Dababi remarked that, "Nerfy* has got the potential to go deep, i mean, far in this entertainment industry, his looks attracts both males and females alike." Here is his portfolio when he is with our company, BigBoy's Model Inc. "This was his contract cliching shot when he came for the audition, we knew we had to hire him immediately.

Apparently, Mr Ang added a caption for his portfolio picture and it was very memorable indeed, the caption was "May your mangoes be ripe and juicy." So upon selection into the one of the big players in the modelling industry, Mr Ang was propelled onto greater things,

He conquered the catwalks, stormed the sports scene with the endorsement of New Ulu Male's "cupper le crotch" that wooed even the most conservative of men. Mr K.K.J said that "woah, the advert really made his bulge burgeoned"

*Photos courtesy of New Ulu Male, and now with every purchase of Cupper Le Crotch, there will be a pair of nipple cock extension(as shown above in the picture) While stock lasts.

Given such a brillant track record, Mr Ang was destined for greater things.
In a tradition of leaving no stones unturned, Central6 was everywhere and our roving eye followed the leading females of his life. The prophecy was true when it was prophesised that Mr. Ang will be a skirt winner. There were never a dull moment in his life as he was caught with different women at different times of his life, varying from different sizes and age, Mr Ang is the red that every men see in their eys, of course with such gorgeous good gait, charismatic character and an outstanding occupation, who will not be jealous?

The ever doting boyfriend

Never shy of displaying his affection while posing for us

True love filtered to the purest
All was going well until one of his "loves" of his life, Imma Chewyourebush came clean with what was going on behind the blissful and lovey dovey photos. "I paid him for love", lamented the Imma, "I knew something was very wrong when i met him outside Mr Happy's Place." In a dire need to expose his true identity, Miss Imma provided us the details to find his origins. After much investigation, we finally manage to sneak into hidden archives of Mr. Happy's Place and found out the truth. At this very moment, to the fans of Mr Ang, this report is the truth and it is nothing but the truth you have read so far. Ever wondered why Mr. Ang was called the Prince of Pain?

Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words, we at central6 do not enjoy sensationalising, it is always up to our revered readers to give the final verdict. All we urge is to link the following picture with the one above. When we contacted his closest mentor, Staff Sgt. Marimuthu, he commented the following, "It must be the after effects of the back blast of our weapon Rasd, Ang was never like that, he hated being a cock and cocks. This is phua cheebye gay."

After the startling revelation at Mr Happy's Place, the cronies mumbled that POPPY(Prince of Pain) as he is affectionately known has a working motto, albeit abit communist in nature, it guaranteed satisfaction. The motto was 你一定会再要,再要! (Ni yi ding hui zaiyao zaiyao).
Mr. Ang again was unavailable for comment on press time.

*Nerfy was supposedly a term of endearment
Editor's note: For those who cannot read chinese characters, try going to View>Encoding and select Unicode option. (Internet explorers users only)

I have the Answers...

2006-01-15T04:13:00.000+08:00

after many nights pondering about who this Mr X is, i finally figured out who it was...actually it was pretty easy to figure out...just that nobody thought hard enough...and our dear kenneth put it in such beautiful literature that he thought he could fool me...but after sitting down and discussing with wongcheok, we know who he is talkin about at last...from the zouk incident to the siloso beach incident to the 50 dollar bills and beyond, he is actually talkin about this person called .....hold on i call you back later.....no seriously i know who it is....i call you back later...

it seems pretty quiet these few days, Team Shit Stir hasn't been vigilant for the past few days....but i can smell a rat somewhere....oh anyway since i can't sleep i might as well talk about my friend. i kinda find him a very sneaky individual. you see my friend, Horald (names changed to protect my friend's name. actually most of what i can remember about him is about how he tells the who Team Shit about how many gurls he slepr with...and how many times he could sleep with the same gurl in a night....wait...i am fallin asleep... oh Horald goes to the same skool as the rest of us....wait i am fallin asleep.....zzzzzzz

Emergency Report

2006-01-13T03:08:00.000+08:00

TOP SECRET

STAFF-IN-CONFIDENCE

a) I have just received very important information regarding the following, and I write all of these with utmost urgency... ... It has come to my attention that news have been received about one of the moderators of this blog. Mr X. ( for more information abt Mr X pls refer to the following link - The True IDentity of Mr X ) *hint... Mr X is the person that Girl X was bitchin abt.

b) While lamenting abt my sad life and tossing in my grave today. My informant had awaken me from my slumber, a deep sleep which i had induced by being blown to bits by ballistics as well as taking a stone and knocking my own head. My informant who will just be known as Mr.Blogger is actually a spy who lurks within the Matrix of blogger.com as well as places of interest, like zouk and sentosa siloso beach.

c) After sewing me up and inducing life force into my repatched body, Mr Blogger had then proceeded to inform me about the latest updates. Not only was Mr X an accomplice in the bombing, he has also been stalked by one of his fans. ( just in case u people din't know, Mr X is actually a very popular and influential men who proliferates his ideas on underaged sex particularly 16 yr old sex, as well as personal meet up with with fans on a personal and VERY deep level - which sometimes might include "SEX-ON-THE-(fort siloso) BEACH. )

d) His fan had been stalking him, as he cruises from blog to blog, leaving tales of the undead, of men whom are obsessed with pasta and devious individuals, which intrigued many who were ignorant to these fallacies. She goes by the code name Miss Flavour Of Ice Cream, aka, Miss FOIC.

e) Miss FOIC, according to reliable sources stalks Mr X for only 1 reason to steal his Mojo, and by that, she has to of cos perform sexual favours to get his Mojo out bit by bit. Lets look at the incidents 1 by 1.

*MOJO is refered to and defined here as a men's secretion released upon a sustained stimulation of his private part.

Case E-1

LOCATION: ZOUK
DATE: 28/11/2005
TIME: CLASSIFIED
ACT OF ESPIONAGE: Miss FOIC, had gone under the cover of being Mr. X's fan, she had killed the real fan and had skin-grafted the victim's face onto her own just to get close to Mr X.
On engagement, she had then pretended to by one of Mr X's fans and had engaged him into a lustful, sexual conversation regarding initial meetings. Mr X, totally oblivious to her true identity and Mojo hungry motives had proceeded on to have intercourse with her on the dance floor at zouk. LA - JI (stirring tongues and all). She had then left with a sample of Mr X's saliva in her mouth which she had proceeded to store in her vault back in THE BASE, thinking ignorantly that saliva is MOJO. Informants had tapped on her lines and this was what they heard her say

" But my mouth is private to me what... so naturally i would assume his mojo would be released if i tickled his tonsils and interlocked my tongue with his, wasnt that enough stimulation?"

Case E-2

LOCATION:FORT SILOSO BEACH - SENTOSA
DATE: someday in DEC 2005
TIME: Between the hours of 2200 to 0300 next morning
ACT OF ESPIONAGE: After discovering that Mr. X's mojo had not beeen obtained, she decided to strike again. After failing to obtain his mojo the 1st time they met, she was foolish enough to attempt it again during a clubbing event. However, this time, Cheok and I had noticed the irregularties of her skin tone due to the skin graft and were suspicious of Miss FOIC and had subtly dragged Mr X away from danger, however, it was only much later that Cheok had picked up Admin Instructions on Miss FOIC's ploy to steal Mr X's Mojo. It was an unexpected find, the plans were actually cleverly hidden and encrypted on the patterns of a 50 dollar note. Cheok whose perceptivity kicked in instantaneously, duped Mr X into thinking that he had picked up 2 x 50 dollar note and had give Mr X another 50 dollar, a 50 50 split they say, so as to be fair.

This 50 dollar note was then examined later by our lab and had revealed the following:
STEPS TO GET MR X's MOJO.
- Bring along an ugly friend to accentuaute her beauty, so as to arouse Mr X (which worked actually)
- Get close to him on the pretext she had got him secret access to this clubbing-drug-sex-party at the beach.
- Bring Mr X away from his companions and into the bushes of portable toilets, "ENGAGE" him and steal his mojo.
Devious plan indeed but as mentioned briefly earlier, Cheok and I sensed danger and had steered Mr X away from it.

Case E-3

LOCATION: SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE
DATE: CLASSIFIED
TIME: CLASSIFIED
ACT OF ESPIONAGE: Miss FOIC had continued plotting and scheming while stalking Mr X at the same time, this time she is lying low, and inactive meaning not meeting up with Mr X in the mean time (at least to our knowledge). She has attempted an approach known to others as "Fishing the Bait", she had complimented Mr X on his most recent endevour on Cyberspace hoping to get into his good books (this is the bait), and once he is happy, Miss FOIC would then ask him out and steal his Mojo through however sick method she chooses to. eg, sticking a rod up Mr X's ass and depressing his prostate gland or to choke the chicken or maybe, swalling the salami. All these are common methods, however, due to intelligence, she still prefers stealing it in the form of bukake. (Thereby fishing him up to her trap)

f) I sincerely hope this emergency report proliferates and is propagated quickly and efficiently to Mr X as he is currently uncontactable at the moment.

STAFF-IN-CONFIDENCE

TOP SECRET

Cheok's Updates Du Jour!

2006-01-12T20:35:00.000+08:00

It's another day of absolutely c-r-a-p weather, and I sit stalwart in front of the computer screen, beating at the keys with a rumble in my stomach as I patiently await the arrival of dinner.

So let's take a short break from the accusatory nature as of late, because everyone needs a breather now and then. This truce is in part due to my feeling at peace with the world, which is supplemented heavily by dosages of The New Amsterdams in the iTunes playlist.

(Visit Newams.net to download their free EP "Killed Or Cured". In particular listen out for the lyrics of My Red Hand, because they represent an apt description of Chalk. No, seriously!)

A light review of recent events surrounding the Central 6 Crew as of late:

- The Nerf has pretty much been taken outta action, largely due to rapid technological advancement in modern weaponry. It's only been a year since my NS days, but man do things change fast: the M.I.L.A.N anti-tank system of yesteryear...

... Has been replaced by the New-age Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Through The Heart from Milan, Italy - Code-named Rasz:

A weapon of rare breed indeed: Which Final Fantasy weapon deals 10 damage to adversary and 9999 damage to self when used, you tell me? So, will someone please tell Rasz to launch home soon before The Nerf reverts to his roots and begins subscription to NAMBLA... NAMBLA being the North-American Man-Boy Love Association, by the way.

Gay bastard. Once a New Urban Male, ALWAYS a New Urban Male. But more on that another time.

- The Chowzz was, at last notice, still toiling over the perfect pasta for his crush, the Girl from Pastamania - previously referred to as Miss Upper-Bukit-Timah a.k.a. M_L (would you like to buy a vowel?)

Ok, so it's a lousy play on The Girl From Ipanema. Fuckin' sue me. Anyway... He has systematically, categorically and heartlessly denied all connections to Min-Min, his childhood sweetheart, instead redirecting double power towards creating the perfect soup base in an effort to attain his ultimate goal: The Girl from Pastamania ladling spoonful after spoonful of CHOW'S HOT PASTE INTO HER MOUTH...

Oh, what a bad typo: I meant p-a-s-t-a, not p-a-s-t-e... Must be the wet weather, it's making my fingers slow to respond...

As a sidenote, I was with Chowzz after our GPS (Govt Politics of S'pore) lecture just the other day, and just as we stepped into the Deck we bumped right into the Girl from Pastamania. Chow proceeded to turn a startling shade of beet-red, but fortunately for him Miss Upper-Bukit-Timah seemed to have not noticed; instead, she claimed (much to my amusement, and obviously to Chow's gorging ecstacy) that we were most certainly there to LOOK FOR HER.

Like, huh? Upon further probing by the 2 experienced members of Team Central6, however, we quickly discerned the source of her disillusion...

- The Devious Chalk has been feeding Chow poisoned information all this time! While intentionally delaying Chow's creation of the sacred soup-base by means of numerous rejected calls and continued ambiguity with regards to the recipe details, Chalk has actually been undercutting Chow on the sidelines... He'd arranged a lunch meeting with Girl from Pastamania on the sly! The sneaky fella!

You do us Wongs proud, Chalk.

Ever the viper, Chalk seems to have forgotten his relationship with the Alphafemale (see earlier entry for more information on the Alphafemale) just days after its fruition... Now, I don't know WHAT sort of fruition we're talking about here (maybe its not love... just sex...) but it appears that affairs regarding the Alphafemale have gone straight down the rubbish-chute, seeing as to Chalk's newfound pursuit of the Girl from Pastamania.

Are we going to see a 3 cornered fight in the squared circle? Or will it be another sardine-formation orgy on the mattress in Chalk's bedroom*?? Stay tuned!!!

*: Information courtesy of Haro

P.S.: Nerf attempted to post a huge-ass disclaimer message here to cover his left arsecheek, but Admin deleted due to its irreconciliability with Kill Is Love's general intent of Kill Everyone And Let God Sort 'Em Out. Nevertheless, Admin still gently reminds all readers to take all entries with a pinch of salt ~~in the eye, you anal fucktards~~. It's all for the fun of it, after all.

THIS IS A FULL SCALE WAR!!!

2006-01-11T01:35:00.000+08:00

Hello people I is back after a day at work.

I can see that my shit has been stirred many many and heavy heavy too...

I have many secrets about Kelvin and things he told me in his room but although Kill is Love, I shall not stick to that rule this time... call me traitor call me for not keeping the faith, but Kelvin it's for your own good that I have betrayed Kill is Love and kept the secrets you told me about Min Min... and L-sy (not her real name)... I'm sorry guys, I just can't betray kelvin, he's like a brother to me... I can't betray him about secrets he told me regarding Sick Fetishes wth Miss Upper Bukit Timah's Assets... and how he wished he was in Nerfy's shoes regarding the issue of Min Min....

Kelvin don't worry I wun betray you... If Kill is Love then To Murder Is Bliss... I have new recipes on Pasta, you wanna learn, Brother Kelvin?

Why is this Min Min person making everybody's head spinning wild? Lionel dun worry, ur spinning over her is only mild, it can still be saved. I can help you... but first you have to tell me your deepest secrets if you want us to help you. Things like actually you kinda think Huiyi is hot are things I have been hearing for the past 3 months... I know you need a distraction but Min Min is alreadi taken by Nerf and Kelvin. So please stop hurting yourself. But if you really wanna go ahead, I have the perfect plan.

Min Roster:
Mon, Wed, Fri - Kelvin
Tues, Thurs, Sat - Nerfy
Sun - Lionel

VOILA!!! Am I a genius? On those days where any of you are not scheduled, Kelvin can continue making pasta for Mel, Lionel can go on screwing underaged girls and Nerfy can... let's see what Nerfy can do... Nerfy can share cigarettes and beer with Mysterious Slut X from Phuture (you blow smoke into my mouth, I pour beer down your cleavage... oh mannnnnn.... absolutely smokin'!)

Chow: I do not know what i can save myself from... says:
i forgot how to prepare base liao
Chow: I do not know what i can save myself from... says:
why dun u type out
Did You Wake Up Missing Yourself Today? says:
tsk tsk tsk...
Did You Wake Up Missing Yourself Today? says:
okie...
Chow: I do not know what i can save myself from... says:
then i can cook for mel
Did You Wake Up Missing Yourself Today? says:
okie best..
Chow: I do not know what i can save myself from... says:
thanks

Seriously I have All your interests at heart... ok hold on I Call You Back...

The OFFENSIVE STANCE!

2006-01-10T02:36:00.000+08:00

Due to a latest update in intelligence, it has come to my attention that some how i have faced constant artillery shelling (threats) from my various comrades. Which would include the faces other than the most gothic muthafucker you can find at the top of this blog.

To be honest i feel that lionel is off the most innocent of all with regards to me and with every single word that i'm typing write now, i honestly and starting to doubt his innocence. No matter. As for Chalk, oh well he's already been victimised... which leaves only CHOW!!!!!
OMG LOVELY.

KELVIN CHOW ZHI HONG
(some pronounce as CHEE HONG ) aka, pussy boy.

This MVP of the 2002 rubgy interclub as well as the 2005 MVP in NUS. claims somehow that he is invincible. The entity above all, the untouchable... But the unstirrable... ... ?

NEWS FLASH!!!
Here at "Kill is Love" no one and i MEAN absolutely NO FUCKING PERSON is unstirrable, especially if you're the advocate of shit stirring.

In the words of Chalk:

CHALK: I stir until your shits got no lumps left ar.

CHOW: Yar yar.... stir until SMOOTH

CHALK : HAHAHA SHIT SMOOTHIE.

***All of which were targetted at me (NERF).

Speaking of which, it has just dawned upon me that the word SMOOTH as used by chow is absolutely characteristic of himself...

LET TAKE A CLOSER look why....?

-------->

As some might have already known, this girl is MIN MIN (definately not her real name). Chow's new SQUEEZE. And yes A4 Guys: This girl commonly sighted in chow's roo, is his new squeeze! WHY FUCKING ELSE WOULD SHE BE IN HIS DAMN ROOM LYING SEXILY ON HIS BED? Oops...

Not to mention the demonstrations of her leg lifts! Oh My God. Those muscles of those inner thighs, definitely a shiok shiok squeeze for you, Chow.... UGGGHHHH!!!!

Here at "Kill is love" we do our secret research and SPY activities. And according to two anonymouse sources, Chow has also admitted the following:

CHOW : "WAH I LIKE HER BODY SHAPE SIAL..."

CHOW : "Ooooolala... It's just the type i like..."

CHOW : "Dun u think she really looks like CHRISTY CHUNG?"

CHOW : "I really wouldn't mind ******* her..." (use your imagination)

How fucking obsessed can one get over 1 girl? The illusion and fog that obsession and lust can cast over another's is beautifully illustrated above as we can see. Christy Chung? OH MY FUCKING GOD WHICH PART OF HER LOOKS LIKE CHRISTY CHUNG?? 2 eyes, 1 nose 1 mouth? Hahaha... the extent of which one would go to describe their boo... ... DISGUSTING. And the lust oozing from him... "Oooooolala.... It's just the type i like..."

GOD...*pukes*

Well, at least we know they're happy. Look!

AWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! SHO SWEEETT!!!!!

This picture has been heavily censored, due in part to nudity and also to protect Chow's wife's integrity... It's the same girl, just in case you're wondering.

Oops - did i say wife? Shit...

Well, the OFFENSIVE STANCE... is the BEST DEFENCE.... =)

WE shall pronounce them erm, platonic Husband and Wife

2006-01-09T22:17:00.000+08:00

To the normal university student it is never a weird sight if a couple is seen walking closely together along the corridors of school campus, they may look like a newly attached couple, head-over-heels in love, harboured in their horny, "hunny-bunny" honeymoon. Well, it is rumored that Ohio is for lovers, but to hell with that rumor, the truth is here to stay, N-U-S is for lovers. "There really seemed to be chemistry between them, they made Lionel and Sammy* look bad" remarked a casual passerby identified as Chin Chye Kong. Unfortunately for Lora(not her real name again), she wasn't the woman that is fortunate enough to stay so close to her beau, it was a one night that never manage to stand (through time of course, other things, ceteris paribus, did stand.) Now exclusively for our readers only, Central6 will be revealing never-seen-before footage of the elusive couple of 2006 as they strolled lovingly along the picturesque and pleasant pathways of 'Le Deck'.

Chalk aka "Fast and Furious Fingers" (guitar player mah, what you thinking?) was seemingly caught with his latest 'stratocaster' on a day that was opulently ominous with signs. The everlasting and enduring rain set the foundations for a blossoming springtime romance which perhaps may never see autumn. The pair according to eyewitness, Ruan Luan Lai were engulfed in throes of laughter and giggling, acting as if they are in a state of bewildered bliss. It was never known how the couple came about to such closed proximity, although it was rumored that Chalk was tired with the constant quarrels of his promiscious partner back at Ohio and decided to visit this sunny island for a breather. He arrived on campus in search for the next female lead for his latest single, I Will Do Anything To Settle Down(But I Won't Do That) from the album Ah Fat out of Hell. It seems now that he got more than he bargained for.

Before the picture was taken, according to a fellow diner at 'Le Deck', Lui Baey Hiao, "You wouldn't have thought that they were just only platonic friends, they look more like husband and wife." It was also noted that the couple was seated at the terrace of 'Le Deck' over-looking the magnificent Law faculty carpark and library, amongst the companionship of several avant garde characters of campus, most notably, the company of Mr. AMK. Incidently, Mr. AMK was seen wolfing down one plate of pork chop and another plate of mixed veg rice. It seems that his eating disorder or rather 'habit' is a recent rebuttal to the public that he is suffering from post break-up syndromes after his relationship ended with a certain socialite (continue on pg 6). Meanwhile back to the story, reported denials have been made by Chalk aka Tangy Tongue (pls la, he needs his tongue to articulate well for his band, no dirrrty thoughts pls) and that he will, in order to prove his undying love for his one and only beau, re-hash the song, "TELL LORA I LURVE HER" (nu-metal-post-rock-pre-apocalyptic-ambient-downtempo-screamo-extended-till-die-remix). When asked who the "mysterious alphafemale" was, Chalk could only mutter "No comments" and return to composing his latest piece of music while whistling out the tune that remotely sounds like The New Amsterdam's Red Hand. Is that a Freudian slip of his guilt or is that one of his latest original tune? That will be up to you our revered readers to postulate. The "mysterious alphafemale" caught in the picture was not available for comment during press time. Stay tune for more roving campus eye by your ever friendly and entertaining Central6. More on Chalk aka Guily Guitarist on our newly mounted aunt agony section, Good Girl Hunting.

*Due to the minority of the individual, the full name is withheld.

Sweet Sweden

2006-01-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

Kenneth:" what language do people in Sweden Speak?"
The Rest: " Swedish lah!!"
Kenneth: " Ohhhh...i forgot....."

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in his mind. But it's not really surprising coming from a person who wishes to put on Muay Thai gloves, with deep sea diving equipment and striking a Pilates position to swim all the way to Tibet...to attain Nirvana and therefore transiting to Venice to find a thing called Love....why do people go through so much trouble....
Oh you gotta remember the flying Joe Higashi Tiger Kicks if there are schools of dolphins migrating to the South China Sea from Kallang River. Just for Self Defence... (Store Down for 3 seconds in Pilates Position then Up + Heavy Kick to get the one with twirling tornado effect)

And also our brother Chow, who went through all the trouble probing me about recipes for cream pasta so he can prepare the perfect pasta for someone who lives in Upper Bukit Timah....and he thinks we can't tell....wassup man...

Shit Stirring

2006-01-09T02:13:00.000+08:00

There's something lurking in the air, it's like the coolest activity this summer. And I love it. some of you might know it as rumour mongering, or gossiping, for us it's just SHIT STIRRING. Period.
Some Guidelines regarding Shit Stirring for all novice Stirrers
1) Do not hesitate to cook up stories about your friends and family.
2) The shit that you wish to Stir may or may not carry truth in it.
3) Show no mercy regardless of how long you have known the person
4) The game is only fun if your friends start getting defensive, try to get them defensive and trap them in a corner
5) The aim is to stir shit til all parties involve in the shit realise that there is shit and get each other into deep shit (minus the stirrer)
6) Once you succeed, go on a rampage and stir as much shit as possible to anyone at all
7) The best shit is shit stirred on someone who is oblivious
8) Shit Stirrers come in a pack, do not mess with them unless u have a very strong spetula to counter attack
9) The game is only over when someone admits to the shit
10) The golden rule applies everywhere, KILL IS LOVE

We're Open, Motherfuckers!

2006-01-09T00:55:00.000+08:00

It's almost an hour after 12, so technically i'm opening accounts abit late. But nevertheless, I now declare Kill Is Love officially open as of today, the first day of Semester 2!

Everyone can begin the mud-slinging festivities as of now... But firstly, a short opener as to why we've titled this blog Kill Is Love:

I vividly recall the day Sem 1 exams ended for 2 significant reasons: firstly, because English Langage 1101E sucks to the core and after finishing the paper I confirm+chop knew I was gonna get shit grades for it; and secondly, because I had a rather interesting MSN conversation with dear cousin Chalk. This particular conversation revolved a certain Lora (not her real *cough* name), and her being spotted with Chalk in Phuture the evening before.

Now, Chalk's response to heavy artillery shelling was to play the family relations card, which went something like this:

Chalk: eh

Chalk: dun like that la

Chalk: we cousins dont stir each other la

Cheok: ... lol ok

So that's fine and dandy, and I dropped the issue in favour of bothering about random Warcraft 3 custom maps with Chow, who was sitting beside me. That was, until Chow received a couple of rather interesting MSN messages from Chalk.

Chalk: ay

Chalk: dun stir me ah

Chow: stir what? (feigns ignorance when he's actually sitting right beside me and we've been talking shit for the past hour)

Chalk: oh nothing

Chalk: ay lets stir some shit about my cousin

Chalk: lets kill lionel

At this incredibly opportune moment, I pop my head over to see what's on Chow's laptop, read what my dear cousin has written, and silently turn my screen so that Chow can read the message history between Chalk and I, dialogue occurring not more than 10 minutes ago.

Oh, the sneaky bastard!

And so we have now concluded that the Kill Bill tee that Chalk owns sums it up best: If Quentin Tarantino tells you Kill is Love, it must be good stuff to kill all your friends. After all, PAPUPI WE ARE FRIENDS*.

Ergo, this blog shall be dedicated in the name of love to our dearest friends: While we can't literally decapitate you like O'ren Ishii, we can certainly kill your reputation in the most gory ways imaginable.

I love my friends. Don't you?

P.S. - The day just isn't complete without noting Chalk's slipup over dinner at KFC:

Chalk: "That time Yuka (not her real *coughs* name) borrowed my phone because hers was dead right, then after she use message finish she took out the SIM card but the phone still got the message. You know, right? How Nokia phones these days still will retain the message in the phone one? Anyway, yeah, then the next morning I read the message..." -blah blah blah-

Me: "... The next MORNING...? OH, SO YOU TWO... EHHHH...."

Kill is love, people... Kill is Love.

*: Chow's wallet is a multi-coloured work of art which looks like it's been stolen from a primary school kid. It's got pictures of 3 cutesy animals along with the words PAPUPI WE ARE FRIENDS emblazoned on it. Go figure.